I mean you only get one shot, take it or leave it"
- My Shot (Rise Up Remix), The Roots + friends
hello, January.
well, a couple of things have happened since the last post. I got a job! yay me.
...
hmm, I guess it was only the one thing. anyway,
leadership
this'll be the topic for this post (in case you hadn't figured it out from the title of the post or the bold+italics+underline combo).
earlier this evening, I was doing a survey that popped up in my email. you know, for the 1 in 1 billion chance of winning the cash prize associated with participation. I have to be honest, I only do surveys if there's some possibility of earning money. no dolla? no holla.
anyway, now that we've acknowledged my shamefully immense greed, let's get back to the matter at hand.
the survey was about leadership, natch. most of the questions were pretty basic, but there were two parts of it that really stood out to me.
the first part was about self-confidence.
the last time I remember being really self-confident was, like, junior year of high school. after that I kinda lost all faith in myself. developments in my personal life had left me feeling pretty worn out.
college isn't exactly a confidence booster, either. tough classes?? being on a huge campus?? being surrounded by social fricks?? no thanks.
I used to be sure of myself and the direction that I wanted my life to go in. now, I'm not so sure.
I've already discussed socializing and introversion at length, but I think self-confidence ties into that quite nicely. I want to have more confidence. I want to believe in myself. but I always get let down or let myself down.
in the past, there have been things that I was 110% positive about that turned out to be 110% false. being wrong most of the time is a real confidence killer.
the second part was about my definition of leadership.
I had to think about it for a few seconds, and ended up putting something about taking responsibility and doing one's best. anything to fill in the blank space (and potentially get that moolah!).
hmm. I don't think I want to use the word "moolah" again.
the highest leadership position I remember holding is student council president in 8th grade. no one ran against me. I wrote a 5-paragraph speech. I didn't get impeached. life was breezy.
but that was middle school. for one, it's been hecka fortnights since then. hecka fortnights.
plus, compared to the student council equivalents of high school or college, I had it easy! I led assemblies. I put up and took down the flag. I held meetings every once in a while.
as noted in previous posts, going to high school made me nervous about putting myself out there all over again, so I never became the ASB president or anything like that. I did become the vice-president of one organization and an auxiliary officer for another, though.
but here? in college? my leadership skills have decayed to nil. aside from my job, I don't have any real positions of authority or anything like that.
but...
what makes a leader? influence? charisma? knowledge? personability? all of the above?
here's my new thought-
leadership is shown not through prestige or power, but rather, through one's actions and character.
dang. that might be the most profound shiz I've posted on this blog. this is just me opinionating a little bit, though. is it true? maybe not.
guess I'll have to find out what being a leader means for myself, then. one day.
