🏀 b-balling

"Why am I feeling so wrong?
My head's in the game
But my heart's in the song"
- Get'cha Head in the Game, High School Musical

at 5 AM, i awoke to the sound of All Star and NPR's morning news program. i'm not sure why i decided to set All Star as my early morning alarm song, but i think it's because i figured hearing Smash Mouth so early in the morning would make me confused enough to drag myself out of bed.

i got dressed as quickly as i could and bolted downstairs (quietly). Google said the sunrise would be at 5:13, so i tried to be quick about getting out the door. i grabbed a bag of cereal, some yogurt, a spoon, a thermos of milk, and my half-filled water bottle. by the time i headed out, it was already 5:11. oops.

walking to the park usually took 5-7 minutes, so i decided to take a leisurely stroll since i was gonna miss the sunrise anyway. when i got to the park, the climbing structure on the playground i was planning to eat breakfast on was still roped off for mysterious reasons. i was a tad disappointed, but felt better when i found out that even though i'd apparently missed the sunrise, Mt. Rainier was still looking terribly gorgeous. so i climbed up to the slide, set up my breakfast, and proceeded to eat cereal out of the bag like a fricking heathen.

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when i was younger, sometimes in the summer or on the weekends my dad would wake me up in the morning and invite me to go to the park and play basketball with him. sometimes i would jump out of bed at the chance, and sometimes i would roll over and go back to sleep.

there's something very special to me about those days. even though we don't really play basketball together anymore, it was a nice bonding experience in its own way.

anyway, nowadays i wake myself up and go to the park by myself. quite the struggle for me, since i'm a lazy daisy who would gladly spend the morning in bed and has problems being out and about before 9 AM.

there's something very peaceful about being in the park when it's early and there's no one else around. it's just you, the birds, and your own thoughts.

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anyway, back to the title. "b-balling". do people even say "b-ball" anymore? what year is it? is space jam 2 still going to be a thing?

since i shoot hoops by myself now, i have a lot of time to just practice my b-ball skills while getting lost in my own thoughts. most of the time i'm not really focused on the shot, because i'm so wrapped up in whatever i'm thinking about. i'm actually not too terrible at free throws, so i do make the occasional shot every now and then.

what do i think about? goals. dreams. past experiences. life itself, in a nutshell. i also think about random songs that i associate with the random thoughts in my head. and i sing them, after carefully checking to make sure no one else is around.

as i continued playing b-ball, the sun rose over the bourgeois houses down the road from the park, and gave me a backdrop of some real nice natural light. it was very pleasing. guess i didn't miss the sunrise after all.

shooting hoops in the early morning is always quite an enjoyable experience. anything that blends quasi-fitness with solitary introspection is neat in my book.

i'm still tired though. i think i'll take a nap later.

😄 revisiting "returning"

"A circumstance beyond our control
The phone, the TV, and the news of the world
Got in the house like a pigeon from hell
Threw sand in our eyes and descended like flies"
- Back on the Chain Gang, The Pretenders

contentment. longing. nostalgia.

those were the emotions i felt as i left my university, the place where i'd learned so much in just one year. when people ask me if i enjoy college life, i respond with a genuine smile and tell them "it's pretty fun!"

truth be told, i actually miss being there. spending time with the friends i made helped to put my soul back together, bit by bit. seeing certain buildings reminded me of the good times i had spent hanging out with people. somehow, i'd found a way to enjoy myself there.

i've shared these thoughts with a few more people now. i'm much more open and honest with my new friends. and the best part is, they understand me and don't see me as upset or unappreciative.

i didn't want to attend my university at first. it wasn't my first choice, but i can't avoid the path that's been chosen for me. i've learned more about what i can and can't control. i've learned that some dreams are fated to be crushed. i've learned that some things that end up seeming like a waste of time, hope, and effort can lead to valuable lessons and opportunities.

surprisingly enough, i came out of this year having made something out of my life. i socialized, explored, found two great communities that made me really happy.

wow. i actually did.

there were some classes that stressed me like never before, but overall i was actually quite pleased in spite of a few disappointments. there were opportunities that arose - some of them knocked me down, but some of them lifted me higher. there were strange times where life itself splintered some of my wildest dreams, but also made others come true in a weird way that only life can.

returning was a trip and a half. year two - in the bag.