🏁 concluding (beda day 31)

31. this challenge has been...

tiring. i didn't realize how time-intensive writing a post every day would be. i was a silly billy and assumed that having provided prompts would make posting easier. but as it turned out, some prompts that i initially thought were simple ended up producing deep, thoughtful posts. some prompts that i figured would be easy to write about rendered me unable to put my thoughts into words. some prompts that i found kinda intimidating ultimately pushed me to talk about things that cause me a lot of anxiety/discomfort. but i have to say, even though i end this challenge very tired, it's a happy kind of tired.

eye-opening. it sounds cliche as all heck, but i learned a lot about myself through this challenge. there were days when i had to think a lot about my personality, core drives, beliefs, standards, ideals... basically, the things that make me who i am! i ended up reflecting upon events from my past, assessing where i am in the present, and making plans for the future. i also ended up pondering things that i don't really think about on a regular basis, thanks to some prompts. some days i struggled with unfamiliar topics, and other days i found myself surprisingly comfortable with them. i'm really glad to have encountered all the new ideas and topics in this challenge.

beneficial. the constant influx of posts gave me the perfect opportunity to practice writing. before this, i only had the odd blog post here and there to prevent my writing from getting rusty. but for this challenge, there were a few days where i was very deliberate about how i structured my ideas/arguments. granted, there were many days where i joked around through quoting gloria gaynor, bashing riverdale, and hiding all star memes (among other things). but even then, i was experimenting with different styles and structures in hopes of giving my posts a fresh feel. there's also the issues of lacking proper punctuation/capitalization/grammar. but i like writing my posts in this style. plus i still know how to write formally (or so i tell myself). i like to think that as long as i'm committed to what i'm writing, then i'm getting some good practice in!

cathartic. there were a lot of prompts that gave me the opportunity to discuss things i've been aching to talk about. i got to share my thoughts on applemania, terrible advice, stan culture, and a bunch of other things. there are so many post ideas rolling around in my head that i doubt i could do justice to them all. but this challenge allowed me to speak my mind on a few of them, and i'm very grateful for that. i didn't know it would be such a weirdly relieving experience! in some strange way, putting my thoughts into posts is hecka therapeutic. i've realized that even if no one reads my posts, it feels really good to get them off my chest. as long as i get to say what i want to say, it's all good in the hood.

fulfilling. as i've said before, sticking with a writing project until the end is a highly satisfying experience. when i look back at all my posts, i feel so accomplished. i'm kinda sad that the challenge is over but also appreciative of the great times i had during it. thanks for sticking around - write on!

❌✏️❌ enough!! prompts!! about!! writing!! (beda day 30)

30. if i couldn't write...

if i couldn't write, i would speak.

oral tradition was a big thing in many societies before writing systems and such were introduced. some communities still keep the tradition alive today! passing down historical tales, legends, life stories... all are carried on to future generations. each storyteller passes down stories to the next storyteller and they pass them down again and so on. speaking the words i wanted to preserve would help them to survive the passing of time and the changes in the world.

if i couldn't write, i would sing.

musical tradition is about as old as oral tradition and just as important! the combination of words and music can tell tales of inspiration, woe, hope, suffering... a multitude of stories. many people around the world learn songs by hearing them and repeating them. this process of listening and repetition carries histories through the passing of time in the form of songs. every song tells a story. singing my stories would help them be preserved through the endurance of music.

if i couldn't write... i would be pretty lost.

i could speak, but i'm not very good at being assertive or telling stories. i could sing, but i'm not very good at singing strongly or writing songs. but when i write, i feel comfortable with my voice and how i express myself. it's something that can be tough for me sometimes, but i always find something in it that keeps me going. it's something that will help me tell my stories and spread messages i want people to hear. it's something that i treasure deeply, and i never want to take it for granted.

📱 technologizing (beda day 29)

26. best writing/reading app

this post is gonna get a bit rant-y. what's new, amirite?

i think the app that helps me the most with writing is grammarly. i first started using grammarly on my computer when my spellcheck wasn't working for some reason. then i found out it could be used for quick dictionary definitions (a feature i use to this day). that got me pretty hooked. for a while i even used it to check for grammatical issues in my essays. you know, back when i cared about the quality of my essays. oops.

nowadays, i use it mostly for the double-click-definition feature instead of spelling/grammar proofreading. when you use words like "heckuva" and play by very loose capitalization/punctuation, grammarly will always be highlighting a massive slew of errors. in spite of this (and the fact that GRAMMARly sometimes doesn't catch its own grammatical errors), it's a solid app that has helped me out quite a bit.

okay, now time for the rant...

i like e-books about as much as i like riverdale - that is to say, not at all. i'd much prefer a real book any day of the week. the feeling of turning the pages. the hunt for a slip of paper or anything that can be used as a workable bookmark. the long nights spent flipping through a captivating novel. these are things that no e-book will give you.

"but e-books are more convenient!" fam, unless you're carrying around war and peace or the complete works of william shakespeare, most books aren't that heavy. toss a few in your bag and you're good to go. buy paperbacks. train your arm muscles!!

"you can store multiple books on one app!" ever heard of a bookshelf? they look great, they're pretty space-efficient, and they hold books (wow!!). heck, it doesn't even need to be a shelf. even a fricking pile can look aesthetic if you stack it nicely.

"e-books are super easy to buy!" if you can buy e-books online, you can order real books on amazon. easy as pie!! or if you don't want to pay for shipping/handling... ever heard of libraries?

as usual, i am a huge hypocrite for ranting about this. i will buy electronic textbooks if they're cheaper. or when my textbooks weigh 5 billion pounds. i do have the kindle app (even though i only use it for pdf-viewing). shame on me...

i also know that lack of space, time, money, etc. make e-books more convenient for some people. i respect that. people should be free to make the best choices for themselves. even so, why people choose to watch riverdale is beyond me...

so! if you want to get into reading and e-books work better for you, go for it! download the kindle app and get to it. reading is reading, even when it's technologized into an app. but if you find a really good book, try reading a physical copy of it sometime. you might be surprised...

💬 poeticizing (beda day 28)

26. brand new notebook 

for some reason, this prompt has inspired me to write a poem. i'm no shakespeare, but here goes...

-

brand new notebook
by: me!

i just got a brand new notebook
the pages are fresh and white
so now, i think i'll take a close look
at some of the things i could write

i might write some more of my novel
an epic, inspiring tale
of evil so mighty and awful
our hero seems destined to fail

or illustrate depth of emotion
how it makes the mightiest toss
with passion as deep as the ocean
or with feelings of love and | || loss || |_

or capture the calm of the beach
and contemplating by the sea
'til enjoyment's ending i reach
and somewhere else, i'd rather be

or narrate my walks through the trees
with branches and leaves overhead
though walks will sometimes my mind ease
most days, i'll just stay home instead

for now, i think i'll close my notebook
and save it for some other day
on my shelf, right next to the coat hook
i'm no good at rhyming, okay??

-

i think the biggest struggle for me was finding a rhyme for "notebook". "coat hook" rhymes fantastically but doesn't fit the rest of the poem, while "close look" isn't an exact rhyme... i'm proud of rhyming "novel" with "awful", though. i didn't know i could be that creative.

that wasn't that great. it was actually pretty terrible. i'm sorry. i'm not a poet and i know it...

🌩 weathering (beda day 27)

26. weather inspires/hinders?

i think weather definitely affects my mood. i'm not sure if it's the same for other people, but my levels of productivity and happiness are heavily influenced by what the weather is like.

i like sunny days. they're good for getting motivated and chasing dreams. plus a good dose of sun gives a nice warm/fuzzy feeling. today's not a sunny day. even though i'm in hawaii. crazy, huh.

i like rainy days. they're good for introspection and being emotional. earlier when i was writing this post there was some nice tropical rain. then the text got deleted somehow so now i have to rewrite everything. i'm mad.

i fricking hate cloudy days. they just make me feel listless and demotivated. nothing new there. right now the weather's cloudy and i'm irritated for reasons that aren't necessary to discuss. having to rewrite this post isn't helping either.

then there are the weird-weather days that aren't super common where i live. mega-windy days usually just annoy me because they make it hard to fall asleep. snow is nice but makes me afraid of slipping and dying. hail just hurts. thunderstorms are hecka rad, but quite rare.

all in all, i think sun and rain are my two favorite weather patterns (and representations of my two moods, no less). i was pretty happy while it was raining earlier, but now i'm ticked off. and the rain stopped. how coincidental. now if you don't mind, i'm gonna take some time to stare at the clouds...

-

update: have calmed down now. the segment above probs came off as quite brusque. sorry about that. i have a lot of unresolved moop that i need to work out...

anyway, i want to make one last note about the weather before i close off this post. you can't control the weather, but you can control how productive you are during a subjectively good weather day! if thunder is your thing, use the next storm to take charge of your next writing project! if clouds are your thing, use cloudy days to make your thoughts unclouded! if sun is your thing, brighten up your sense of well-being! mother nature is about as finicky as they come, so take your blessings as ya go!

⏱ outlining (beda day 26)

26. logline of current project

Jeffrey is an average lost-cause teenager - dorky, clumsy, and an all-around loser. He also happens to be holding one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. With the help of a spunky crew of warriors, can Jeffrey stop a villainous organization determined to destroy the timestream itself? Or will his efforts end in a failure even bigger than his last algebra exam?

probably not the greatest logline ever. but you get the idea. the protagonist isn't actually named jeffrey, i'm just trying to keep my secrets safe from ip theft. that's why it's terribly vague. the emoji in the post title is a small clue though. if you read day 1's post, you can see a snippet of the intro too...

that's gonna be it for this post. i'm currently on a plane with 27 minutes of internet acress left, and i got other stuff to do. ciao for now!

📚 reading pt. 2 (beda day 25)

25. holiday read

i'm going to spin this prompt a bit and talk about holiday readS instead, because it'd be hard for me to focus on just one book. 

when i think of the term "holiday read", i think of long books. specifically, books that range from kinda long to what-the-heck-how-did-the-author-have-time-to-write-this long. usually, i tend to stick to books in the first category, since thicc books make me pretty tired. finishing books that take hecka fortnights to read is a highly fulfilling feeling, though.

the last holiday reads i can remember are from my 2015 Christmas break. that year i read dune and uncle tom's cabin. i enjoyed dune, even though there was a lot of lore to follow. and a lot of characters. but it's clear to see how it paved the way for star wars and future iterations of star trek (at least, i'd assume it did. i've never watched star trek). uncle tom's cabin was also pretty good, but kinda hard to get through. it was really thought-provoking and depressing. i ended up speed-reading most of the end since i needed to finish it before school started back up. ':)

i think what i'll do for this post is pick 5 novels i've read that would make great holiday reads and then highlight 5 novels that i want to read over the holidays. a nice balance.

my recommendations:

1) the hobbit - a classic. you have dwarves, elves, goblins, a wizard, a dragon, and (of course) a hobbit - basically, everything you could want in a fantasy novel. the movie trilogy is a lot of fun but imo tries to beef up the story a bit too much. and if you enjoy this, you can jump straight into the lotr trilogy!

2) to kill a mockingbird - absolutely marvelous. people give it a lot of hype, but it actually delivers!! it tackles big issues in an enjoyable yet profound way. pro tip: don't read go set a watchman if you really enjoy tkam... just don't...

3) brave new world - dystopia done right. aside from providing me with some neat euphemisms (ford in flivver!), it also provides deep commentary on utopian ideals and totalitarianism. it's bizarre, somewhat surreal, and all-around unsettling...

4) the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy - weird but hilarious. douglas adams's wit could fill an entire galaxy. if you enjoy this book, there's a whole series of them! not that reading all of them helps you comprehend the plot more or avoid being generally confused about the storyline...

5) catch-22 - a! fricking! masterpiece!! it deserves its own blog post (or even a series of them). i wouldn't be able to do it justice in just a few sentences...

reading wishlist:

1) crime and punishment - i feel like i should read this at least once. even though it's definitely in the hecka long books category. 

2) war and peace - another novel that is long and famous. usually i end up enjoying war novels more than i expect. it is a war novel, right?

3) 1984 - another dystopian novel. i'm curious to see how it stacks up against brave new world. people can't seem to agree on which is better, so i figure i might as well decide for myself!

4) bleak house -  multiple narratives!! but to be completely honest... this addition was inspired by beast's move set in avengers alliance. that's why i read the jungle and a separate peace. war and peace is part of his set too, but that was already on the list...

5) the sound and the fury - a fairly recent addition to the list. the premise sounds pretty interesting. plus it's another multi-narrative model, so that's always fun.

so many books, so little time...

👥 adapting (beda day 24)

24. adaptations

there are a few ways you can interpret the word "adaptation". you can use it to talk about a book that has been adapted into a movie or tv show. you may use it when explaining how the biology of organisms changes over time to help them adapt to their environment. or you could discuss how we as humans change our nature as a result of internal/external influences.

guess which topic i'll be picking?

well, there are a lot of tv/film adaptations i could talk about. but for some reason, the first thing that comes to mind is the riverdale series, which i hate with an unquenchable, fiery passion. we needn't get into the reasons why. the point is, there's really not much to say about these sorts of adaptations aside from the fact that they often involve creative liberties and accompanying adjustments. and sometimes, creative liberty is taken a tad too far. like riverdale. grr!!

so how about biological adaptations? well now, that's a more interesting topic. there are tons of fun things to talk about!! the process of change, the pros/cons of metamorphosis, evolution vs. adaptation... possibilities are endless!! (just like how the og archie comics had an endless supply of good material that was unceremoniously yeeted out the window in favor of some trite murder-mystery-drama-fustercluck. grr!!) unfortunately, i'm just an astrology major. i don't know jack diddly squat about this area of science. haven't taken a bio class since high school. so, although it would be a terribly fascinating topic, i'm not exactly well-informed on it. and i always talk about things i've researched extensively!! right? i'm pretty sure i do...

that leaves us with the last option - social adaptation.

you might not think it at first, but this topic is actually pretty scary. there are plenty of unsettling buzzwords that go along with it, like "conformity", "group mentality", and "lack of self". spooky, eh? if these words don't make you uncomfortable in the slightest... you're either a psychologist or too far gone!!

just kidding. kind of.

have you ever gone to something that you didn't want to go to because your friends insisted that you would enjoy it? have you ever faked agreement with an opinion that you didn't agree with? have you ever copied the mannerisms or personality of someone that you want to get close to?

yeah, me too. weird, right? why would we go out of our way to do these things? what's the cause behind our actions?

short answer - beats me! though i may be an "ology" major, i'm an astr-ology major and not a psych-ology major. my best guess is that people just want to fit in. standing out or being excluded makes people feel unwanted, anxious, helpless... the whole range o' negative feels.

so the first course of action of most people is to adapt. buy from popular brands. go to events everyone else goes to. emulate the most successful/influential people they know. people will do or change anything to make them feel better about themselves.

admittedly, copying others isn't inherently bad. it's how we learn to talk as infants, how dancers learn new choreo (i think??), how new workers learn the workings of the workplace. but at some point, we gotta branch out and establish ourselves as individuals. otherwise we risk becoming a shadow of someone else, like one of those shadow-thingies in kingdom hearts (idk if that's an accurate reference, i don't play kh and it's far too late to start). and if we lose our connection to those someones... who are we?

makes ya think, doesn't it?

so, to what extent to i adapt to my environment? to be honest, i try to get away with adapting as little as possible. as mentioned in previous posts, i care a lot about fitting in even though i don't want to care about fitting in. i'm like a hipster, but a loser too - a loser-hipster!! i'm kinda used to it by now, though. as jughead says in riverdale, "in case you haven’t noticed, i'm weird. i’m a weirdo. i don't fit in. and i don't want to fit in". grr!!

in short! adaptation is weird, conformity is bad, and riverdale should be wiped from the face of the earth. thank you and good night.

👓 envisioning (beda day 23)

23. i WILL...

[NOTE: this is day 22's prompt... oops]

well... at first, i was afraid. i was petrified. kept thinking i could never live without you by my side...

oh no, not i... i WILL... survive!

...

now that the obligatory gloria gaynor reference is out of the way, let's chat a bit about this post. the format's gonna be a little bit different from my usual posts. in a bid to be a bit more optimistic about my life, i'm going to construct a bunch of different "i WILL" statements about my goals. sounds like something straight outta a self-help seminar, huh? i find the idea really cheesy, but who knows? as hailee steinfeld says in the spotify ads for post-its, "when you write something down, you're 42% more likely to achieve it". so i'm expecting my probability of achieving my goals to be 21% more likely after doing this, since typing and writing aren't exactly the same thing. this better work. you best not be lying hailee!!

so let's just jUMP INto IT...!

•i WILL... do more things that are outside my comfort zone.

•i WILL... try to be more understanding of others and remember that there's usually a good reason behind why people are the way they are.

•i WILL... focus more on my academic life and work harder to learn things i don't understand.

•i WILL... find a balance between respecting the wishes of others and being true to myself.

•i WILL... be more patient with myself, others, and life itself.

•i WILL... improve as a musician and be proud of the progress i've made.

•i WILL... avoid being passive and speak up for myself more often.

•i WILL... continue my journey as a writer through this blog and other pieces i write.

•i WILL... remember you, will you remember me?

•i WILL... wait, i will wait for you! i will wait, i will wait for you!

•i WILL... stumble, i will fall down, but i will not be moved!! i will make mistakes, i will face hea

sorry, sorry. there are too many good "i will" songs out there for me to resist referencing them...

anyway, the first 8 are actual goals that continue to plague me to no end. some of them are a bit more achievable than others. some i've actually made some progress on! some are downright unrealistic.

not gonna lie, if i ever do manage to fulfill these goals, it'll be a trip and a half. but with the power of God, anime, gloria gaynor, and post-its on my side... i WILL survive!

⭐ acclaiming (beda day 22)

22. if i were a famous writer

[NOTE: this is day 21's prompt, thanks to my frickup from yesterday. oops.]

i'd want to use my platform for something constructive.

people have been obsessed with fame and fortune since gosh knows when. in today's world, tv shows, movies, and social media glamorize celebrity culture to absurdly high levels. self-proclaimed "stans" spam their favorite celebs with messages begging for a follow or a retweet or a like or an endorsement or a shoutout or whatever the kids want nowadays. it's pretty crazy.

it reminds me of this quasi-fiasco on twitter a while back. dove cameron responded to a fan whose life goal was for dove to notice her by saying "aim higher babe". even though tons of people promptly proceeded to drag poor dove for her semi-savageness, i think she had a valid point. why the frick do we idolize celebs? why is stan culture a thing? why do we crave the slightest chance of validation from our idols? people are so weird...

so let's say you get your retweet or follow or shoutout or whatever. what then? it's just a click of a button, some pixels on a screen, a digital pseudo-link to a person you'll probably never meet. so? are you hoping for more followers? more popularity? more clout?

aim higher, babe. if you spend all your time looking for these things, you'll stray further and further from self-fulfillment. before you seek approval from others, you need to approve of yourself first!! be the you that comes from within.

fame's a funny thing. not everyone is cut out for it. you hear stories all the time about celebs plagued by fatigue, depression, mood swings... it takes quite a toll on you. i'm not sure people understand how difficult dealing with fame can be. and yet, fame seems like it's almost always the name of the game. but, to adapt the words of syndrome a bit, if everyone's famous... no one will be.

anyway, now that we've gotten my doomy-gloomy rant out of the way, let's return to the prompt. i felt like it was important to establish that i don't really care about fame. i care less about being a "famous writer" and more about being respected/altruistic.

so what exactly would i use my platform for? well, i'd basically tell my fans the same things that i said in this post. but i'd also assure them that it's alright to seek out validation in moderation. it's totally fine to be proud of your fandom. it's okay to be a fan of what someone does. and by all means, send messages to your favorite celebs telling them how much you appreciate them!! just don't let it consume you to the point of unhealthy obsession...

besides, a lot of famous writers were/are pretty down-to-earth people with pretty ordinary lives. shakespeare was just a dude who wanted people to relax and enjoy some plays. c.s. lewis was a witty guy who also did some work with apologetics. john green can be found hosting crashcourse vids on youtube. jk rowling... er... well, she writes...

joke lang!! i just poke fun at her 'cause she's the most memorable author from my early childhood...

in conclusion (never use "in conclusion" in a formal piece, it's a terrible thing to do), fame is overrated and self-worth is very important. celebs are regular people just like me and you. being a famous writer or actor or athlete or musician or web star or whatever doesn't make someone better or cooler!! don't forget that you matter too!!

wow this post went hecka off-topic. but it's good to get all this off my chest. the world's pretty wacky, and fame is to blame...

🐢 withdrawing (beda day 21)

21. writers' retreats

[EDIT: in a moment of careless (but unsurprising) inattention, it seems like i wrote about day 24's prompt instead. how did this happen?? anyway, prompts 21-23 will now be set in days 22-24 to accommodate this mistake. sorry about that.]

i'm not sure why, but this prompt immediately made me think of henry david thoreau. if you don't know him, thoreau's this famous writer guy from the 1800s who at one point spent a couple of years in a cabin by walden pond. i guess that's where i made the connection, even though "writers' retreats" is a pretty broad topic.

so what's the point of writers' retreats? i think thoreau sums it up pretty nicely (in a rather large nutshell):

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

oof. that's a lot of text. bonus points to you if you actually read the whole thing before getting to this paragraph. i probably would've skipped it. hahaha!

i think the best way to understand this is to thoreau-ly dissect it. get it?? get it??

*sigh* i'm so unoriginal...

at the time i think thoreau's work was considered pretty prosaic, even though it seems like a fricking poetic masterpiece compared to some of today's literature. with a bit of close reading, it becomes a bit easier to wade through all the text and find the meaning. i'll identify some key points that i'm hoping are correct interpretations...

•thoreau's desire to "live deliberately" and "front only the essential facts of life" reflects his goal of learning more about the world by immersing himself in nature.
•by venturing out into nature, he also hopes to prevent his fear of "discovering that [he] had not lived" from happening by learning as much as he could through his experiences.
•i'm not 100% sure what he means by "resignation" in this context, but i think it's supposed to reinforce how he doesn't want to concede to subpar experiences ("live what was not life").
•the rest of it re-emphasizes how he wants to delve headfirst into his retreat. by discovering truths about life in nature, he hopes to discover the true nature of life. (wow, call me thoreau 2.0!!)

...okay, obviously i'm no poet. just goes to show how excellent of a writer thoreau was. heck, in this excerpt he's not even talking about the woods - he's talking about his reason for going to the woods. and yet, he makes it sound so captivating and raw. if you ask me, that's pretty incredible.

thoreau brings up a point that i wholeheartedly agree with - life itself is remarkably inscrutable, but the journey to uncover its true meaning is definitely worthwhile. i wonder what he'd think of how i discuss such a matter in my blog. would he approve? i sure hope so.

back to writers' retreats, then. as i've noted before, there are a lot of cool and crazy things about life that are inspirational to my writing. a lot of those things involve ideas from or interactions with other people. but not all inspiration comes from being around other people. sometimes the greatest discoveries come from being alone and the insight of solitude. no matter how they work with or depend on the presence of other people, all writers owe it to themselves to take a retreat every now and then. not necessarily to the woods like thoreau - any natural place of serenity will do. hiking up a mountain, relaxing on the beach, or even the comfort of one's own backyard (assuming one has a backyard, and a peaceful one to boot). though the idea of being away from others may frighten some people, it's a pretty rewarding experience. trust me, i'm an introvert. i know these things. you can tell from how i bring up that fact in every other post...

walden (well then), i guess we're thoreau (through) with this. now pardon me as i quit while i'm ahead...

🦸 marveling (beda day 20)

20. hobby or obsession?

at the time of writing this, the superhero emoji has not yet been phased in. so hopefully instead of seeing a rando square in the post title, someday it'll be a superhero-y type image emoji instead. one can only hope.

so. what's my obsession? it's the marvel universe. yes, i'm a nerd. surprise, surprise!

i wasn't really into marvel as a kid, weirdly enough. i mean i'm pretty sure i knew who captain america and the hulk were, but i didn't read comics or watch shows or anything. i was a pretty big batman fan, though. i also liked larryboy and captain underpants. so basically all my childhood heroes were non-marvel. hahaha!

the one exception to that was wolverine. i think it's because i got a wolverine mega bloks set when i was still youngish. also i watched the x-men movies even though i was only like 6?? i think that and the x-men guide we got from costco (scary illustrations for my child eyes) kinda put me off being obsessed with anything beyond wolverine since it freaked me out so much. like watchmen!

and then 10 years ago, iron man hit theaters. i liked the movie, even though it gave me an irrational fear of being kidnapped by a criminal organization. i had a lot of irrational fears back then. i still have a lot of irrational fears!!

the seeds had been sown, but i was not yet a superfan. heck, i didn't even stay for the post-credits scene 'cause i didn't know about it!! i did start borrowing iron man comics from the library though. thankfully i figured out the difference between the mcu and the comics universe pretty quickly. and then a couple of years later the sequel came out. that time, my anticipation was considerably higher. i spent a lot of time watching preview clips on yahoo. yes, that's how long ago it was.

after the movie, i was smart enough to stay for the post-credits scene. i remember after watching it i was thinking "wait, thor is a marvel character?". goes to show how i still knew so little about comics.

so, what tied all these loose threads together and plunged me incontrovertibly into the marvel universe? it was actually three things that happened in 2012 - the avengers was released, i started playing avengers alliance, and the avengers vs. x-men event exploded across the marvel universe. just as the avengers assembled in three separate universes, so too was my love for marvel coming together. so how did each one increase my fascination with all things marvel?

1) the avengers - or avengers assemble, if you're a brit. i knew that marvel studios was setting up a shared universe, but seeing all the heroes come together for the first time still blew me the frick away. i've loved crossover events since i was a child - the collision of separate worlds is just so exciting. even though i didn't know it at the time, the establishment of the mcu would make it an integral part of my life (and the lives of many others!).
2) avengers alliance - rest in peace, greatest facebook game of all time. this game introduced me to so many heroes that i'd never heard of, including soon-to-be-revived icon black panther. there were so many new faces to take in that i had to peruse the marvel wiki multiple times each time i played the game to figure out who was who. i still browse the wiki multiple times per day. the pursuit of nerd knowledge is unending...
3) avengers vs. x-men - when i first heard of this i was like "holy crap, the avengers and the x-men are both owned by the same company??" of all the events to introduce me to the comics universe, i can't think of a more fitting event. seeing cyclops square off against captain america or the surprisingly close battle between iron man and magneto was like the fulfillment of my childhood dreams. after the event finished, i decided to keep up with as many of the new titles as i could. i started borrowing stacks of comics from the library and immersing myself in all the different stories. avx got me hooked on marvel comics real good. it's an obsession that carries on to this day. ':)

it's pretty shocking how far i've come since childhood, marvel-wise. each week, i read as many of the new releases i can. i keep up with all the abc, netflix, and hulu/freeform shows. i've seen every mcu movie to date (except for ant-man 2, 'cause i needed a break after infinity war. plus movie tickets are expensive...). i like to tell myself that i'm not too obsessed, though. i don't go to midnight premieres or conventions or anything like that. i don't hate on dc movies or other superhero films under the pretense that marvel is better. i don't really know what happened during the kree-skrull war. i wasn't alive when that issue came out...

but compared to other people, yes, i'd say i know way too much about marvel. is that bad? probably. maybe. nevertheless, it makes me happy to know that i can share my comics knowledge with others (and sometimes even discuss it with them!). and remembering that being an mcu fan since day one prevents me from feeling like a fake fan. :) and nowadays, even though the comics universe is pretty crossover-heavy and (in my opinion) tries too hard to emulate the mcu, each issue i read reminds me how thankful i am to be exposed to all the cool stories. i get to be part of a legacy that's been growing for almost 80 years. and that's pretty special to me.

excelsior!

[pencil emoji here] writing pt. doesitevenmatteratthispoint (beda day 19)

19. write what you know?

huzzah, another vague prompt!

do i interpret it as a prompt to write about something that i know well? probably not, since it's a question. so i guess i'll just explore the idea of familiarity in writing...

there are a lot of ways you can measure the strength of a writer. you can examine how well their writing flows, how interesting their points of discussion are, how eloquently they present their ideas and arguments. but one important thing you can also measure is their versatility in writing about different subjects. a really skilled writer can whip up a thrilling tale about watching paint dry. or convince someone with no interest in sports to read a review of the entirety of the 2018 world cup. or make economics sound interesting!! (sorry to all my economics-loving friends out there. you do you.)

again, i'm not an english major or anything like that, so i'm not sure how eclectically proficient professional writers have to be. but i'd guess that they have to be able to write for a number of situations. i mean ya gotta earn ya degree somehow, yeah?

with that in mind, idk if this scenario that i'm gonna discuss would even happen in the first place. who knows? let's take a look at it just for funsies though.

so. let's say you have someone who builds their entire world around writing about what they know - uh, economics? so definitely not me. ':) luckily, this person is a good writer and has a successful career. but they never get to go outside their comfort zone and write about other topics.

...um. yeah. sounds boring, doesn't it?

...

that story probably seemed like it was going somewhere relevant. it wasn't. i'm sorry. today is not my day for writing about writing...

don't get me wrong, i think it's pretty normal to have a writing shtick. like if rick riordan decided to suddenly start an adult political thriller series, i'd drive down to texas and politely ask him what the frick happened to him. that is, if i had a license. and parental permission. and a cowboy hat. yee-haw!

but i think it's good to try exploring different areas of writing. trying a new style, genre, or subject matter may lead to surprising results! for example, did you know that one of the first drafts of harry potter was set in a dystopian future with a secret techno-elite society? jk rowling later swapped out technology for magic and changed it to a modern setting and bam! the rest is history. isn't that neat??

...i'm kidding. but that would be hilarious if it were true. maybe it is true!! who knows?? it could be jk's deepest/darkest secret...

anyway, as usual, i've lost sight of the point of this post. so! if you ask me, people should try experimenting with their writing until they find a shtick that works for them. and after that, they should still continue to try new things every now and then to see how it goes. variety is the spice of life!!

side note: i really need to cut back on the cheesy aphorisms...

😲 dichotomizing (beda day 18)

18. controversial stories

before i get started, let's take a moment to appreciate the title of this post. i'm quite proud of it. there are only a few titles that make me particularly proud. this is one of them. "catchphrasing" and "orating" are also up there.

that being said... i say "that being said" way too often. that and "anyway/who/how", "so/but yeah", and "side note". that's what happens when you're tangent-prone like me. 

anyw- er, at any rate, let's get back to the prompt.

so, how do i approach this? do i talk about controversial stories in my life? discuss some controversial stories i've heard about? give a brief overview of controversial stories and explain my opinion on them?

well, the last option seems like the most steven santos-y of the three. so i'll do that, dangit!!

so what defines a controversial story? well, a controversy is something that polarizes people's opinions - creating a dichotomy, you might say. (roll credits!)

how do you know something's controversial? here's an easy test - if people don't agree on whether or not it's controversial, it's a controversy!! bada bing bada boom!!

controversies span a wide variety of subjects, including (but not limited to) politics, religion, education, films, music, technology, tv shows, and the pronunciation of the term "GIF" (it's a soft g. don't @ me). so basically anything and everything. isn't that neat? isn't that great? isn't that cool?

likewise, a controversial story will cover one or more of these topics. in what may be perhaps the most simple and general case, a person will do something that people either agree or disagree with. in more complicated cases, there will be multiple sides to the story and numerous lines of evidence that make it hard to gain a clear picture of the situation.

so what's my take on the whole shebang? is there a purpose to controversial stories?

yeah, to some extent. (ooh, a controversial answer!!)

the world would be boring if everyone had the same opinion on things. controversies are opportunities for different viewpoints to be presented and debated. it's a great chance to hear the thoughts and experiences of others. so, of course, this can all take place through calm/rational discussion, right?

would that it were the case. people these days are usually quite desperate to cling to their ideas and ideals and are loath to give them up to hear out others. in particular, social media has made it very easy to give people platforms where they can remain surrounded by accordant ideas in their digital echo chambers. if you ask me, a lot of problems today are caused not only by a lack of communication but also an unwillingness to communicate. if people listened more instead of trying to sledgehammer their opinions into others, things would be positively groovy. i'm not saying world peace would be achieved overnight or anything, but i definitely think it would help. communication is key. talking things out may not solve all problems, but it sure as heck couldn't hurt.

i should probably acknowledge that there are varying degrees of controversy. should all of them be discussed?? er, yeah. to some extent. (man i'm so controversial right now!) obviously, stories that are super fricked up should only circulate for so long. if they linger for too long then they start to do more harm than good. ideally, the process would be to discuss, come to some consensus, and move on. there's a lesson to be learned in any situation. even the most fricked up ones.

side note: frick. i said something about lesson learning two days ago. i swear i try to avoid being repetitive. might as well put that in "catchphrasing pt. 3"...

so. yeah. controversies are good and bad. but what really matters is the insight you receive from them, and how you can use that to make the world a better place.

📕🆚🖳 publishing (beda day 17)

17. online publishing yay/nay?

not gonna lie, i thought this prompt was referring to e-books or something. but according to techterms.com, "Web publishing, or 'online publishing,' is the process of publishing content on the Internet. It includes creating and uploading websites, updating webpages, and posting blogs online. The published content may include text, images, videos, and other types of media".

wait a minute... this is a blog challenge... why would you post against online publishing on a blog? seems kinda hypocritical and purpose-defeating, no?

anyway. let's go through this definition.

there's a ton of info you can find online in the modern era. news sites, wikipedia, research databases... the list goes on and on. techterms also explicitly notes that social media sites don't really fall under the "online publishing" category. that being said, think about how much web content is when you throw those sites in too!!

some would find it pretty surprised to hear me say this, but it's hard for me to imagine getting info without the internet. i've used different websites to help me fix broken devices, cook meals, study for tests, and complete a multitude of other tasks. before, these things had to be taught by word of mouth, through books/magazines/tv, or learned through experience. at least, that's what i think is what happened. idk. i wasn't alive then.

for me, then, online publishing has been both helpful and essential to my daily life. having easy access to such a plethora of information is something i take for granted sometimes. the internet makes my life much more efficient and manageable.

all the info floating around is kind of like a double-edged sword though. the stuff you find on the interwebs can only help you out to some extent. you can read about driving techniques online, but you can't practice them if you don't have a car. you can use wikihow to find an omelet recipe, but if your cooking skills suck then your omelet might end up as an eggy disaster. you can use webmd to diagnose strange symptoms, but you might end up getting worried over a terminal illness that turns out to be a head cold.

using the internet is all well and good. but it's also important to use common sense, try things out for yourself, and talk to other human beings!! yes, i said it! me! the social hermit! talking is important.

so now let's tackle another issue - blogs vs. physical media. blogs cover a number of subjects - personal experiences, travel, cooking, fitness, music, interior design, social commentary and so on. that same sort of content could easily be found in a book, or a magazine, or a newspaper. so what makes blogs so special?

convenience, i guess? it's easier to google "la tourism" than it is to subscribe to a travel magazine and wait for them to talk about the place that you want to know about. it's easier to read about someone's life through a series of blog posts than it is to plod through their 5000-page biography. (let it be known, though, that i can't stand e-books. but that's for a later post, perhaps.) it's easier to buy a new york times online subscription than it is to sift through the multilayered grief known as a newspaper.

but i don't think digital media should completely replace its physical counterpart, though. having a nice balance between the two will ensure that information is propagated in a matter that is accessible to and enjoyable for all. or it should, anyway. ideally.

with all this in mind, i guess it's a "yay" for online publishing. but a "yay" that is also receptive to physical media. we're all friends here. content is content as long as content is content. i need to stop...

✏️ writing pt. 8 (beda day 16)

16. i write better when...

oh no... i've already talked about this... i even talked about it yesterday... what poor foresight...

right now i'm writing this at a starbucks i've never been to before in a city i hardly know. it's not even 8:30 yet. i keep yawning.

that being said, this environment is great for writing. the music is nice (but kinda simp-y), the food is decent, and i found an outlet with which to charge my phone. boo-yah.

man, it's been a long time since i've written a post on my phone. haven't done it since... before this challenge, even. there's something weirdly peaceful about it. instead of texting or playing plants vs zombies or scrolling through r/jokes, i get to enjoy this time all to myself. it's just me, my thoughts, and the moment.

side note: this is getting hecka feelsy. it's like i wrote about yesterday's prompt today and today's prompt yesterday. don't worry about it...

yeah! environment's pretty important to the way i write. this spot's pretty quiet so that's nice. of course, i said before that i write better in buzzy places too. i guess the only places that would be detrimental to my writing would be those of unbearable din or utter silence. that would be unpleasant, to say the least.

originality... originality... originality...

oh! here's something new!

i write more productively when i'm emotional. i don't mean that i write my best posts sobbing into a pile of tissues while listening to la la land. it's just that being happy, sad, anxious, frustrated, depressed, contemplative, peaceful or whatever can help me put a little more oomph into what i say.

i talked a little bit before about how inspiration affects my writing. being inspired is a little bit different than being emotional. sometimes being uninspired will still create a post as i put into words how distressed i am about it. like my multiple descriptions of the writing rut. or sometimes i feel inspired to write but in a logical way rather than an emotional way, like when i systematically ripped apart starbucks and apple and nike with my pickle-ham-cheese sandwich. great post. one of my faves. check it out if you want.

sometimes inspiration and emotion go hand in hand. sometimes they slap each other in the face. sometimes they come to a begrudging truce and scrape together an acceptable piece of writing. but it all works out eventually.

hmm... third factor... third factor...

oh! here's another new thing!

i write better when it helps other people. i know that seems kinda weird since i write my posts as though i'm not expecting anyone to see them. but according to my stats page, i have a mediocre (but existent!!) amount of views on my blog. so my great hope is that someday, someone will read one of my posts and find some sort of inspiration or humor or meaning in it. maybe it's already happened! i wouldn't know...

i don't think i could be a motivational writer. i barely had the motivation to move to this chair to use the outlet (even though i really need to keep my battery life up). that being said, i don't want my writing to be demotivational either. there's enough demotivation floating around the world without me throwing more into it. i think, then, i'll settle for writing about life itself. the ups and downs, the goods and bads, the triumphs and tribulations. there's a lesson to be learned in every experience. sometimes that lesson is pretty significant. but knowledge is knowledge. so i take down all the details of my experiences - the big, the small, the in-betweens. and i jot 'em down here.

if i can help just one person through my writing, that's already more than i can ask for.

✏️ writing pt. 7 (beda day 15)

15. writing makes me feel...

tired. hey, honesty is the best policy...

we're at the halfway-ish point today. august has an odd number of days so there's no exact halfway day. i've written 6 posts about writing already. i'm running out of things to say. there are still at least four or five writing-related prompts left. please help.

i know i've said it before, but the quality of my writing depends on a number of factors, including (but not limited to) general ambiance, noise level, weather, migration patterns of european swallows, the alignment of the planets, and the population of bismarck.

the point is that some days i'm super jazzed to write, while on other days i can barely scrape together a sentence without falling asleep on the keyboard. take today, for example. i'm pretty much just curled up in the writing rut, snoozing away.

the writing rut! our old friend. frenemy? enemy. let's revisit our old enemy, shall we?

depending on how deep the rut is, writing can feel very unfulfilling during the process. if i'm writing a paper for a class and i don't have any ideas or inspiration, i'm basically just writing for the sake of my grades. it's just lines of text filling up a page, rather than a product of my creative nature. nothing really fun or interesting about that.

i've written tons of papers where i had zero inspiration but needed to turn them in on time. some of them received okay scores, but most of them were pretty disastrous.

but when all is said and done, finishing a paper that you worked really hard on gives such a great feeling of accomplishment. it's a sentiment that ranges from "thank goodness this writing nightmare is over" to "wow, i'm a genius and this paper should be framed for posterity!!". either way, it's an enjoyable sense of satisfaction.

anyhow, the way writing makes me feel can change depending on what i'm writing about and how i'm writing it. today, i'm writing about something i've discussed pretty thoroughly already and doing so in a dry, semi-sardonic manner. but regardless of how good or bad the piece ends up being, i will always be tired after completing it. and so i'll cut this post off right here. adiós!

📜 catchphrasing pt. 2 (beda day 14)

14. advice that stinks

tighten your wigs, friends. i'm about to go off. savage steven's about to flay some expressions alive.

•"practice makes perfect!"
no, it doesn't. it really fricking doesn't. as i said in "dancing", "that's a fricking lie. you can practice for some indeterminate number of fortnights and still only come out subpar". that sums up my thoughts pretty thoroughly, actually. thanks, me from the past!
you can put your heart and soul into improving your skills or whatever, but there will always be someone who is better than you. of course, you shouldn't compare yourself to others when judging how good you are at something (that's good advice!!). plus perfection is a myth anyway. there is nothing in this world that is completely flawless.
that being said, you should still make an effort to practice. just don't expect to see the results you want to see 100% of the time. you'll just end up disappointed and frustrated. take it from someone who's been in choir for upward of 5 years and still can't do vibrato to save his life...

•"when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"
what is this, the 1930s? do people even know how to make lemonade anymore? unless you're a professional lemonade-maker, why would you need to know?
(yes, i know it's just an expression. shut your faces.)
i tried making lemonade once when i was a kid. squeezed a lemon slice into my water, dumped a couple sugar packets into it, stirred it up. guess what it didn't taste like at all? lemonade. easier said than done, yeah?
so let's extend the analogy a bit, then (carefully, so as to avoid another sandwich situation). even if life gives you lemons, will it give you a lemon squeezer? or sugar and other sweeteners? or a pitcher and some glasses with which to store the lemonade? usually, the answer ends up being no. if you ask me, when life gives you lemons, chuck 'em out or suck it up.

•"dance like nobody's watching!"
no. just no. this ain't high school musical, sis. it's not an episode of glee. it's not like the big choreo scene in mamma mia 2 (which i haven't seen yet, but i am 110% certain that it contains one).
as luck would have it, i wrote about dancing in "dancing" already (duh!!). dancing requires coordination, depletes my self-esteem, causes undue stress, etc.
side note: i guess my extended free trial of sirius xm ended because now i can't access the swing station anymore. how sad. what does that have to do with this expression? nothing, really.
anyway, i have a crippling fear of public judgment, which is why i don't really dance or sing in public. it's one thing to be performing on a stage. but doing the same out in the open unprompted is a whole 'nother can of worms. i talked a little bit about this in the first "catchphrasing", but i involuntarily obsess over how other people see me. it's a weird worry to have. i know there are other people who feel the same way. so i'll stick to learning the orange justice dance and teen beach choreo in the privacy of my own home, thank you very much.

•"shoot for the moon. even if you miss, you'll land among the stars!"
okay this one ticks me off the most. good LORD. it's one thing to use figurative language, but using it in such a cheesy and moronic manner is just plain aggravating. as an astrology major, it really rattles my raisins to think that people use this quotation unironically. er, no offense, norman vincent peale. but your sentiment has been appropriated by locals. i'm so so sorry.
this one's problematic for numerous reasons. what's so great about landing among the stars? if you were aiming for the moon, why settle for less? why not just try again? better yet, why did you make your goal so unachievable in the first place?
or we could look at the scientific problems. my astrological knowledge tells me that mercury's in retrograde and the alignment of the perseids favors sagittarius with the coming of the spring season. so therefore i must conclude that the moon has no atmosphere, getting even moderately close to a star would result in a painful death, and the moon is a heckuva lot closer than the closest star!! aka ra, the sun god!! boy, isn't astrology an important field??
this is another piece of advice that invariably leads to disappointment and frustration. it's inaccurate, misleading, and fake-inspirational. you're better off shooting hoops than shooting for the moon. at least then your difficulty breathing will be caused by your tired body rather than the lack of a lunar atmosphere.

•"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
once when i was at school, i opened a door and accidentally smacked a kid right in the face. i must have been swinging it pretty violently, because he actually got a nosebleed from the impact. as i walked past him i jerked a thumb back at the classroom behind me, said "there's a tissue box in there. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!", and cheerfully walked off to my next class.
i jest, i jest. this never happened. i'd be such a dipstick if it actually were true. it does put things into perspective though, don't it?
i do have my own spin on this phrase, actually. it's "what doesn't kill you will probably still leave you scarred for life from the physical or emotional trauma". now that's good advice!! i just put that on a bumper sticker or something. has someone already done that??
as you may have guessed, i am not a big fan of the kelly clarkson song "stronger". i do like her music but that song just annoys me. it makes it seem as though recovering from pain, heartbreak, | || loss || |_ or whatever is as easy as saying "this pain has taught me a lesson, i'm a tougher person now!" cliche and unrealistic much? moving on ain't that easy. not to crap on people who find inspiration and personal connections within the lyrics. if that's you, right on! i still can't bring myself to like it though...
anyway, the point i'm trying to get at is that applying this saying to anything bigger than a papercut (jokingly) or post-workout soreness (fairly accurately) is pretty silly. using it carelessly is pretty insensitive to the pain that others have been through or are still going through.

•"everything happens for a reason!" ✝
this one isn't really advice. it's more like something overly optimistic people say to you when something bad happens. or other people prefer the non-secular variation "when God closes a door, he opens a window".
oh dear. i've already knocked norman vincent peale and kelly clarkson (and possibly her fans). now it's gonna seem like i'm going after God Himself. gotta tread lightly here. i was always scared of being struck down by heavenly lightning as a child. okay it still scares me. ':)
does everything happen for a reason? probably. do i want to hear "everything happens for a reason" when something crappy happens? no. does saying "everything happens for a reason" make you sound like a cheapo hallmark card? heck fricking yes.
now let's look at the religious version. carefully. my mom is very fond of this saying. too fond, if you ask me. she uses it too often. and i enjoy hearing it about as much as i like hearing the other nonreligious version. that is to say, not!! at!! all!!
i don't blame God for closed doors or open windows. it's probably not even His fault anyway. i blame the quirky nature of life itself. and the fantasized personification of fate that i'm pretty sure has been out to get me since 7th grade.
so now that we've cleared up, it gets me hecka steamed when metaphorical doors are closed. who cares that there's a window open?? who enters buildings through windows anyway?? robbers and action movie protagonists, that's who!!
this saying makes it seem like God is taking away a big opportunity from you to give you a smaller/tougher opportunity. not to say that following God is easy-breezy all the time, but i feel like God would want to give you a hand rather than slamming the door in your face, yeah? ah well. i guess the Lord works in mysterious ways. that's another saying that's not a particular favorite of mine. er, no offense, God. ':)
but yeah. i've had big opportunities taken away from me and i had to settle for smaller ones that i was less excited about. not exactly enthusiasm city. sometimes it's really difficult to convince yourself that the path you're on is gonna lead to something worthwhile. everything may happen for a reason, but what's the reason? that's for God to know and us to find out...

-

9/17/18 addendum - http://www.chucklorre.com/index-bbt.php?p=337

💬 orating (beda day 13)

13. my award speech

Somebody came up to me once and asked, "how do you want to be remembered when you're gone?" That question really resonated with me. Before, I'd never really thought about the legacy I wanted to leave behind. I suddenly became worried about what might happen if people forgot about me. How would I leave my mark on the earth? When would I get the chance to produce lasting splendor? What would I do if I couldn't reach my goals?

Once I got over the initial fear of being forgotten, I figured I should start making a strategy for avoiding such issues. I brainstormed a bunch of different ideas, some bizarre, some complex, some wildly impractical. But eventually, I settled upon a very simple strategy - focusing on myself. If I made myself my number one priority, I'd be guaranteed to make a difference somehow.

Told myself time and time again that I would make an impact on the world. I would create something worth remembering. I would find a way to preserve my legacy. But as I focused more on what I wanted to achieve, my ambition began to consume me. In my naivete, I'd failed to take into account how narcissistic my decision would make me become.

Me, myself, and I were the top priorities for the longest time. I started focusing on self-fulfillment rather than attending to the needs of others. I became a person whose morals had become twisted past the point of recognition. I was so obsessed with my dream that it became hard for me to care about anything else. And yet, I convinced myself that I was achieving what I'd set out to accomplish.

The moment that changed my life was when the exact same person who had gotten me to think about my legacy re-entered my life for a brief moment. With great pride, I told her about everything I had achieved since the last time I saw her. But to my surprise, she shook her head and said something I'll never forget. She said that the first time we'd met, she'd asked me the greatest question about succeeding in the world. And then, she told me the greatest secret about succeeding in the world. But I'll get back to that in a bit.

World gets stranger every day, doesn't it? It seems like the criteria for receiving awards are in flux with each passing year. I've made so many mistakes in my life, yet somehow I've managed to win this great honor. I find it so strange how despite all the things I've done wrong, people still want to recognize me for my contributions. It almost feels wrong, somehow.

Is it really fair for me to get this award when there are probably people who are far more qualified to receive it? There are people who have managed to do good in the world without tearing down others. Without sacrificing their personal character. Without losing sight of what really matters.

Gonna be honest here, it hasn't always been easy facing the past. There are people who will judge you for the careless things you did in your youth, even if you've changed since then. It's hard to convince them that you're a better person now. Sticking to the straight and narrow after a life of wrongdoing can be pretty tough too. Things are a lot easier when you're self-obsessed and don't concern yourself with others' problems. So what's there to do?

Roll with the punches. Take life one day at a time. Remember that the world is bigger than you, bigger than any one person. By working together, we can achieve our goals much sooner than we ever could on our own. It's going to be tough, and there are going to be days where you want to throw in the towel and go it alone. But just remember, there's always going to be someone who will give you a hand and keep you from going down dark paths. You just have to look for them.

Me and you? Together we can make a difference in the world. You just need to believe in yourself and believe that you will succeed. Where does my success come from, you ask? How did I stay positive throughout all my failures? What was the secret that the person who'd changed my life told me? Well, just read the first word of each paragraph in order. Good night!

-

i'm sorry. i was filming a vid today and i didn't really focus that much on writing an actual speech. but i wanted to incorporate a meme somehow. none of the events described above are true. it was written purely for teh lulz. but if this advice works for you, hey! now, you're an all-star! get your game on - go play!

✏️ writing pt. 6 (beda day 12)

12. quirky writing habits?

you've probably noticed most of these by now, but i'll just run through the most prominent ones...

•fancy style
i use a lot of complicated words when i write. i blame the two vocab books i had to study during sophomore year of high school. gems such as "precipitate", "propensity", "paragon", and other words not starting with the letter "p" made their way into my writing lexicon. even when i use really simple words, i suspect that my writing still comes across as too polished. reading my own blog posts makes me feel like i'm reading a dissertation or something. i'm not sure if other people get the same impression though. especially with all the memes, bad jokes, and self-deprecating humor thrown into the mix.

•sultan o' synonyms
i've professed my love for thesaurus.com before, but i can't over-emphasize how much i rely on it. i used it at least three or four times before i hit this paragraph. i guess my use of it stems with my desire to avoid sounding monotonous. as i've said before, i make sure to avoid repeating myself redundantly...
there are a few stories from my past english classes that might shine some light on my fascination with originality. my senior year english teacher would sometimes make us write papers where no two sentences in the same paragraph could start with the same word. so you have to make your writing pretty fresh to get around that.
at one point in that class, a friend who was editing one of my papers told me that i used the word "additionally" too often. but she did give me a splendid alternative, which is why i also use "furthermore" every now and then to spice things up. i'm terrible at transitions so those two words are kind of like my crutches...
another peer editing session, this time during my english class in my first year of college, was also pretty noteworthy in my development as a writer. one of my classmates noted that it was okay to use less-complicated words and repeat words in moderation. and i was like "holy shoot, why didn't i think of that before then??". so i took her advice into account while fixing up my paper, and i think it made the flow a lot better.
so yeah. there's always a synonym (or synonymous phrase, at least) for whatever you want to talk about. the trick is to avoid making it sound too clunky or too intellectual. there's the rub.

•what's up with the number 3?
i didn't think i'd have to return to the dreaded sandwich analogy, but i'm gonna bring it up briefly. i noted that i came up with three reasons to explain my position because of the essay format i learned as a child. you might have also noticed there were three slices of ham - er, subcategories under the section on apple. yes, the sandwich is packing double threes! triple threes if you count the counterpoint subcategories...
you'll find that sentence trios pop up in nearly every post i make. for example, let's take a gander at these lines from one of my old posts, "returning":

which classes will be the ones to stress and disappoint me? what opportunities will arise and then come crashing to the ground? what dreams will splinter under the pressure of life itself?

melodramatic, eh?
as you'll notice, this cluster of questions contains three similar sentiments concerning my return to college. clusters in a similar format can be found throughout my posts. three comparisons/contrasts, three examples to support a claim, three statements of affirmation, and so on.
so the burning question still remains - why 3?? personal significance? religious connotation? aesthetic appeal?
truth is, there's no big reason behind it. it's just a fun writing quirk i throw into my posts just for the heck of it. i'm curious to know how often the number three comes up, 'cause even i don't know at this point...

😠 criticizing (beda day 11)

11. negative feedback is...

disheartening, no matter what.

i think negative feedback constructive criticism (let's use a less critical phrase) is a good thing. knowing what you've done wrong in the past usually helps you to make better choices in the future and improve upon your choices in the present. and usually, people are just trying to help.

that being said, i can't stand it. for some reason, criticism of any sort rattles me to my core. when i get tests back i glance at the score, groan internally (a lot or a little, depending on how bad it is), and stuff it into my stack of papers. then i usually don't look at it again until the night before the next test. i try to stay out of discussions on reddit and twitter. people on the internet can be pretty brutal. i tend to forget about things while in the middle of thinking about them, yet i can remember all the times i've been scolded by teachers between elementary school and high school. it's actually a surprisingly long list.

there is an exception though - i like peer editing on papers. there've been many times where advice from my friends has helped me escape the dreaded writing rut and rescue my paper from the murky depths of unoriginality. i hardly send anyone my essays nowadays, though. as i mentioned before, i wrote papers so often in my last writing class that i didn't need to worry about having to do super well on them. i haven't had peer editing sessions since my last english class and i kinda miss them...

but i know that constructive criticism is one of those things in life that you just gotta deal with. it can't always be pros, you have to face the cons too! life can be tough and sometimes there won't be any positive reinforcement to get you going...

speaking of which, let's take the strikethrough out and focus now on the flipside of constructive criticism negative feedback.

sometimes, negative feedback isn't delivered positively (shocking!!). what i mean to say is that sometimes negative feedback is delivered solely for the sake of being hurtful or offensive. and there are many people on the internet and on the streets who will unabashedly bash others with hateful comments or vitriolic messages. if you ask me, the best way to deal with such individuals is to dab on them haters ignore them and keep doing what you're doing. assuming that they're just being spiteful for the sake of it and aren't trying to help you out in anyway, who gives a frick about what they have to say? shake it off and keep up the good work. of course, i'm a very non-confrontational person so some people might want to confront their aggressors directly. plus shaking it off is easier said than done for me, because criticism stays with me indefinitely...

maybe i'm just thin-skinned. i'm trying to take things in stride more often and move past the errors i've made. it's pretty hard because i kinda define myself by my mistakes more than i should.

so yeah. negative feedback is just one of the many minor grievances of life itself. sometimes good, sometimes bad, always dismaying. so it goes.

💰 merchandising (beda day 10)

10. good sales = quality?

note: this post is going to get hyper-hypocritical. i'm gonna talk about a few companies that i actually do buy from. oops. with that in mind, roll the content!

-

it depends, but the answer is usually no.

how shall i go about explaining? well, when i was younger i learned a very simple format for writing an argumentative essay - three explanatory paragraphs sandwiched between an introduction and a conclusion. i still write my essays the same way (obviously my writing hasn't evolved much between elementary school and college. but now i usually have to add more ingredients to my sandwiches to meet required word counts). so whenever i take a stance on something, i try to come up with at least three reasons to explain my position.

that's being said, it seems we've gotten past the first slice of bread. let's tackle our three ingredients!!

side note: i really need to cut back on the use of extended analogies...

-

1.☕ starbucks
starbucks coffee. cha-ching! no matter where you go, you can expect to see the friendly green mermaid lady smiling as you fork over money for a steaming hot cup of joe. and if you're hungry, feel free to buy a ridiculously-priced pastry or breakfast croissant! then as you walk out the door, you smile as your eyes land upon the friendly green mermaid lady smiling at you from just across the street. profit never stops, and neither does coffee!!

i actually do like starbucks, even though my cynical commentary makes it seem like that's not the case. it's a great place to study or hang out. their chocolate croissants make for a nice snack. and the coffee's actually not half bad.

the thing is, it's not exactly qualitytown usa. i can make a mocha at any hotel with the coffee dispenser and two packs of cocoa mix. and it'll easily be as good as (or better than) the ones from starbucks. what's up with that?

it's weird how starbucks has become the standard for coffee. what else is there? dunkin donuts, tim hortons, dutch bros? plus rando coffee stands that people go to because either a) coffee stands are more convenient/accessible than starbucks or b) they don't like starbucks 'cause it's too mainstream.

side note: don't be a dingus. if you dislike starbucks, dislike it for not meeting your flavor standards. don't try to be a hipster just to be cool. or if you want to avoid starbucks to support smaller coffee businesses, that's cool too. b true 2 yourself.

so yeah. starbucks is everywhere. people hold it to a high standard for some unknown reason. chill environment though.

2. 📱 apple
speaking of weird standards, what company epitomizes this better than apple? yessir, apple! innovation central. home of sleek designs and weirdly restricted software. the company that brought you the iphone, the iphone 3G, the iphone 4, the iphone 5, the iphone 6...

you might have already guessed what i'm gonna rip apple for. my complaints are few, but quite critical. so let's examine this subcategory real quick. if apple is the ham, let's look at the slices!

side note: ...sandwich analogy... i'm sorry... apples... ham... slices...

a) software. i'm not sure if "software" is the right word to use in this situation, but just bear with me. apple's really weird about how you transfer files to their devices. music has to go through itunes, documents have to go through email or other apps, and in general extracting files is a lot easier than inserting them. pretty tedious.
b) planned obsolescence. the fricking charging cords of apple devices are irritating to no end. not only do you have to buy new ones with each new product, but you also have to deal with the cords fraying and eventually becoming useless. there are a couple of apple products in my house that work really crummily or don't work at all. pretty annoying.
c) interface. macs are pretty counterintuitive if you've never used them before. there are all these weird techniques you have to learn to pull off simple commands. and iphone widgets are kinda weird. you have 'em in a drop-down list instead of just having them on-screen next to your apps. if only there were phones that did it that way... pretty odd.

so who's our savior? who has the potential to shake apple to its core? who can deal with these issues or avoid them altogether??

S 👏 A 👏 M 👏 S 👏 U 👏 N 👏 G 👏 ! 👏

actually there are a lot of competitors. i just picked samsung because i've used a few samsung devices. let's look at the flipside!!

ɐ) samsung software works basically the same as a usb drive. songs, docs, pics can easily be copied and pasted into your device. bada bing bada boom!
q) my first samsung cord lasted for at least 1.5 times as long as any apple cord i've used. also all the samsung cords i own can be used for my 2011 galaxy player, my 2014 alcatel phone, and my 2016 blu studio x5. that's a 5-year gap!! apple woulda had like 15 different cords by the fifth year... bazinga!
ɔ) ya got onscreen widgets. they're pretty nice. my galaxy player has a nice photo frame widget feature. how come i can't have that on apple?? my blu phone had a calendar widget that i could expand to fill an entire page. where's my biggo calendar, apple?? geez louise!

there are a couple of problems i've had with my samsung devices though. one big one is that many apps are apple-only. that's not really samsung's fault, it's more of a phone-ism issue. is that a thing? phone-ism? whatever. there are bigger -isms to worry about in the world. i've also had hardware/software issues with all of my samsung devices. my galaxy player now only runs for 15 minutes max with any app other than the radio. my alcatel worked great for a couple of years and suddenly burned itself out by forcibly restarting every 2 minutes. my blu phone had practically zero storage space and at one point picked up a virus that made it download random apps and software on its own.

grass, greener, other side, etc. samsung isn't exactly the paragon of perfection either.

so right now i'm using an iphone 4s. yes, i do use apple products. amazing! i also have a 4th gen ipod nano that i use for the radio, even though its battery life is terrible. compared to my blu phone, my iphone has much much more storage space and runs a heckuva lot more apps. the camera's not half bad either. so i can't complain about that. also i'm not gonna lie, i'd like to have an iphone x (or at least take it for a trial run first). it looks hecka dope.

that being said, i prefer samsung devices over apple ones. having seen both sides of the spectrum, i guess samsung just jibes with me better. but applemania has led other people to have weird obsessions with anything with "i" in front of it. don't ask me why. i don't understand consumerism...

3. 👟 nike
speaking of weird obsessions, what's up with footwear craze? when i was in 5th grade, it suddenly became cool to have pumped up kicks (even though the song hadn't come out yet). actually it was probably cool way before that. i just didn't notice until then.

i have no idea what the big deal about shoes is. i have a busted-up pair from nordstrom rack that's hecka comfy. i have a cheapo pair from costco that fit just fine. i also have (you guessed it) a pair of nikes that's probably my least cozy shoes...

there are people who have entire shelves of shoes, some of which are hardly used or for display only. isn't that wild?? like why would you buy shoes and never wear them?? they're called "footwear" because you WEAR them on your FOOTS!!

we live in a society. good Lord.

what other brands are there? converse? i had a converse t-shirt once (it was a v-neck so i gave it away). adidas? i have a pair of adidas shorts (hecka comfy). air jordans? i have a basketball...

the point is, i don't really care about the shoes i wear. if they fit and feel fine, that's fantastic. that being said, if other people wanna drop their funds on the latest and greatest footwear, i'm not gonna stop them.

anywho that's all i wanted to say about nike. i'm sure there's a ton of other stuff i could call them out on, but i'm too lazy to do any research on it. plus the topic is company sales, not company ethics. that's a whole 'nother sandwich altogether. in any case, pop culture has a funky fixation on footwear.

-

so now we've had our first slice of bread (the intro), our pickles (starbucks), our ham (apple), and our cheese (nike). do people put pickles in their ham & cheeses? whatever. starbucks is pickles because they're both green, apple is ham because it was the meatiest section, and nike is cheese because... uh... cheese rhymes with "cleats". moving on!!

now we've come to the second slice of bread - the conclusion. by sandwich-ing (different from sandwiching, mind you) our way through these three companies, we've examined the possibility of a relationship between quantity of sales and quality of products. i'm led to believe that there is no correlation. sometimes companies will produce subpar flavors, problem-prone tech, or apparel that's only moderately comfy. and yet these companies sell fricktons of their respective products.

is it a cultural phenomenon? a psychological thing? a gross overanalysis by someone who doesn't hold a business degree?

i used personal experiences rather than statistics to back up my claims, so i guess this entire argument is pretty subjective. it's interesting to think about, nevertheless. i'm curious to hear the opinions others hold concerning this issue.

well, it looks like we've polished off our sandwich. hope you enjoyed your meal. sorry if the ingredient ratio was a bit unbalanced...

now, how about dessert? i'm thinking we get a couple of starbucks cake pops...

🥪

👍 encouraging (beda day 9)

9. confidence?

none. hahaha!

my general lack of self-confidence influences various aspects of my life, including (but not limited to):
•making eye contact with people
•crossing the street
•socializing in large groups
•being confrontational with others
•initiating conversations
•my level of self-consciousness in public

the list goes on and on. how do i even function as a person??

if you tie together threads from a few of my past blog posts, you might glean a few clues as to what the root of my self-doubt might be. social anxiety? pervasive stress? emotional suppression?

if i had to identify a point in time where my self-esteem first started deteriorating, i'd have to say it happened during 6th grade.

⚠️ heads up, this post is going to be about stuff i've never really discussed with anyone. it's about to get real depressing.

i was naturally spunky as a kid. quick with jokes and incontrovertibly weird, skating by on my smarts and charm. i transferred to a new school in 5th grade, but even then i kept all my bizarreness intact.

6th grade was where it all changed. somehow all the weird stuff that once made me funny became what people used to make fun of me. it felt like everyone was against me even though that wasn't the case. i began to question everything i said, everything i believed, everything that made me who i was. i became really moody and reclusive, trying my best to fit in and avoid being humiliated. i toned down the weirdness and kept my mouth shut. basically i was being bullied into being "normal".

i'm still kinda hesitant to call it "bullying", though. i know there are tons of people who went through experiences much worse than mine. i was never physically abused or publicly shamed or anything like that. it might be that i was just really thin-skinned as a kid. i don't know.

many times i considered telling a teacher or my parents about what i was going through. for some reason i never did. i'm sure they would have been able to help at least a little bit. i don't know... i just felt so ashamed and incapable that it prevented me from seeking help.

near the end of the year things got a bit better. but that still stands out as a really dark period of my life. it's where i seriously questioned my self-worth and whether or not my existence made a difference. those thoughts still really fricking terrify me. even though they don't bother me as much nowadays, i always have lingering fears that i've internalized them somehow without realizing it.

i'm really grateful that my experience wasn't worse. without a doubt. some people's experiences are much darker and more traumatic. some people don't make it out. so just to be alive and feel alive today is such a blessing.

oof. this is heavy stuff. you'd think the prompt was "write about a doomy gloomy time in your life" or something like that.

back to the idea of confidence. as i mentioned in "leading", uncertainty and misjudgments about my life have been pretty discouraging. i've kind of given up hope of recapturing the unabashed idiosyncrasy of my youth. i'm still pretty weird (obviously), but not nearly to my former extent.

but life goes on. hence the title of this post - "encouraging". i've made it a personal goal of mine to instill confidence and self-esteem in my friends and peers. i don't want anyone to go through what i went through. in doing so, i hope to gain more confidence in myself and what i can do for the world. little by little. piece by piece. one small act of kindness after another.

as pop says in the first season of luke cage, "the past is the past. and the only direction in life that matters is forward. never backwards."

always forward.

✏️ writing pt. 5 (beda day 8)

8. my actual writing life is...

bad. very bad.

well, i suppose it's not bad per se, it's just not super prolific. let's recap my college writing career in a rather large nutshell, shall we?

my first quarter of college, i took an american ethnic studies class. there were two required writing assignments - one short response and one essay - and optional extra credit essays. i didn't do any of the extra credit essays. i probably should've. i don't remember much about the short response, but i do remember i wrote my essay about the music of west side story. given that the essay was supposed to focus more on class topics and such, it was probably not the best choice. whatever. i had fun writing it. it gave me an excuse to rewatch west side story. i'll rewatch wss any chance i get, dangit!!

two quarters later i took an english class. it was very chill. for an english class, there wasn't a whole lot of required writing. just some discussion posts and two essays. my first essay was absolute crap. the book was terrible, the prompt was terrible, and my motivation was terribly low (nothing new there). what was the book, you ask? i'll give you some hints. it was depressing, it was about a woman in crisis, and it lacked a resolution. really narrows it down, eh? my second essay was a masterpiece. somehow i weaved economics, superpowers, and the dystopian genre into a beautifully written writing of beauty.

side note: from this blog, you'd think i'd write like a 9-year old. not true, ok?? i make sure to avoid repeating myself redundantly and i poofread everything!!

winter quarter last year, i took a history of physics class. also very chill. even though we had 4-page essays due every week. i'm sure english majors would be like "well that's what we do every day!!" hush your frickin' faces, imaginary english majors. i'm not a fricking english major like you!! frick the frick off!!

any! how! somehow i managed to scrape together essays each week and get them sent in. this would usually involve me staying up until 1 AM or so on wednesday nights trying to get them finished up. they actually were due friday mornings, but i had early-ish friday morning classes so i didn't wanna stay up late-ish on thursdays. as for the quality of the papers, they were okay. i would usually just pull quotations from the readings and analyze the frick out of them. and i got good scores on most of the papers. i must've fricked up the final essay though, since my grade was a little lower than i expected. whatevs. a pass is a pass.

so now that we've filled the shell up, let's crack it open to find the content!! do kids still know how to use nutcrackers today? maybe they do. am i pushing this analogy too far? yes, most definitely.

as i kinda mentioned yesterday, every essay i have to finish puts me in some sort of writing rut. my writing process can more or less be summed up in three stages:

1) a professor assigns a paper. i look at the prompt and groan internally a lot or a little, depending on how bad the prompt is. 3-7 days before the paper is due, i start worrying about completing it and decide to get crackalackin. yeehaw!
2) i start the paper. i make a nice outline and gather all my ideas into a list of bullet points. i open up microsoft word and stare blankly at it, waiting for words to spring forth. my motivation dissipates and i open up youtube. oops.
3) in a semi-desperate writing frenzy, i slam together a paper by bs-ing my way through the topic. depending on how much time i have left, i proofread it, remove most of the fluff, and spruce up the syntax. and then i usually have a day or two left anyway. what?!

so yeah. as procrastinators go, i could definitely be worse. but i could be a whole lot better though. the only things that really inspire me to write are due dates and grades.

it's really hard for me to explain the writing rut. it's just... i don't feel inspired to write. even the impending due date doesn't prompt me to leap into action until it gets really close. it's kind of scary. and it happens every time.

it seems like the only way to deal with it is to write more. so this blog helps, i guess. i have fun doing it, and whenever i'm super inspired i usually channel it into a post. i suppose that's a good thing.

so outside of this blog and my classes, my writing life is practically nonexistent. but with this challenge, i've gotta write a whole lot more than usual. it's actually quite refreshing, to be honest. these prompts are usually pretty thought-provoking.

maybe the next time i get stuck in the writing rut, it'll be a little bit shallower. one can only hope.

✏️ writing pt. 4 (beda day 7)

7. my ideal writing life is...

being a short story author, i guess?

idk. i mentioned in the previous writing post that life itself provides me with a multitude of story ideas. it almost makes me think "wow, being an author would be a breeze!"

but i know that's not the case. there are a number of issues that can crop up throughout one's writing career - failing to find a publisher, writer's block, plagiarism... the list goes on and on. so ideally i'd work with a nice company, have a neverending stream of motivation, and a team of 6000 lawyers!!

side note: there are way too many prompts about writing in this challenge. i'm highkey struggling to come up with original content to talk about because i don't want to repeat myself or steal ideas from a future post. i feel like this challenge might have been meant for people who aspire to be (or already are) writers. whatever. i'm here for it.

another thing that's really important to the quality of my writing is ambiance. specifically, i prefer to have a quiet room and some nice background music. once i had to miss an essay-writing day in ap lit due to a choir event and i had to write it during a discussion day in class instead. the sound of people talking kinda fricked me up, so that definitely was not my best essay. i have no idea how people manage to do concentration-intensive work in chaotic spaces...

but as of late i've found that, depending on what i'm writing, i like to write in different spaces. of course, things like essays and important emails require nigh-absolute silence. but for blog posts, i'm fine with writing them in public spaces. heck, i almost prefer writing them in public spaces! it gives me an excuse to avoid socializing and it gives me something to do in the meantime! the only downside is that if i get stuck somewhere with no wifi, i can't use my good pal thesaurus.com...

the music is a tad less important. it's usually just the background noise it provides that matters, so i'll just put on my current spotify playlist and get to work. unless it's like la la land or something. that's detrimental to my writing because then i'll be sobbing and splattering tears all over the keyboard. if i'm brainstorming or writing a particularly tricky paragraph, i like to listen to instrumental stuff. but for the most part, music is music. i'm like sue storm from the latest attempt at f4. good Lord that movie was a mess.

anywho, i'm gonna save some content in anticipation of tomorrow's post. it should be a bit more interesting. it'll delve more into being stuck in a writing rut and lacking the motivation to climb out. or as i like to call it, an average wednesday.

🧠 innovating (beda day 6)

6. thinking outside the box

i mentioned this briefly in a previous post, but i'm a big fan of loopholes. 

finding loopholes requires that i be a bit more perceptive about things in my life, and it's an experience that manifests in a number of different ways. completing a zelda puzzle through an unorthodox (and probably also unnecessarily complicated) method. fixing a cooking mistake by throwing in some extra ingredients or modifying the recipe a bit (uh, the recipe definitely called for an entire can of chicken broth!! why do you ask?). brushing my teeth while getting changed when i'm in a rush (hint: don't).  

as of late, though, i feel like my creative thinking has been dampened a bit. and there's a little tale that goes along with that as well. story time!

when i was a junior in high school, i took a college course pre-calc class. i didn't do as well as i wanted for the first few months of the class. but when the harder topics started rolling around, i was like "frick this, i'm gonna find my own ways of understanding the material!!" and so i did. and i started doing much better. and i fricking aced the fricking final exam!!

with the power of creative thinking, i got through my least favorite year of high school math (ap calc was a blast, not gonna lie). back then i figured i could spin my way out of any mathematical difficulty.

and then i took my first college math course in college. and it all went downhill from there.

so far i've taken three math courses. one class i thought i understood but did poorly in. one class i didn't really understand but did mildly better in. the last class i passed by the skin of my teeth. it was so fricking harrowing. 

i don't know if it has something to do with the structure of the courses, the quality of my professors, or my own lack of fundamental understanding, but i'm not nearly as good at math as i used to be.

anyway, what does this story have to do with thinking outside the box? well, to put it plainly, i'm not really a creative thinker anymore. i rely on lecture examples, Google, and pure guesswork just to get my homework done. tests are even worse because when i don't know something i have to pull answers out of thin air and scribble them down in hopes that they're right. time limits, man.

and i think that's a pretty good reflection of what education and maybe even the wider world(??) is like nowadays. rote memorization and doing things by the book are being internalized and prioritized because it helps people get ahead with their grades or their lives. i know there are companies out there that still place an emphasis on individuality and innovation and all that good stuff. i guess i'm just scared that we'll all be thinking inside the box someday...

maybe in the future i'll rediscover that spark of creativity. God knows i could use a bit more innovation in my life...