November 8, 2019
Dear Me From The Past,
Hi. It's Me From The Present. Or I guess to you, Me From The Future? It's been a while since we've chatted - it feels even longer for you, I'm sure.
How have you been? Wait, no need to answer that - I already know. Trust me, if you try to explain, you'll just be preaching to the choir. Been there, done that. Quite literally.
Things have been interesting lately. That is to say, lately for me, kinda far off in the future for you. Boy, communicating through time sure is confusing, isn't it?
I think about you a lot, you know. All of the hopes you had for the future. All of the plans you had for the future. All of the dreams you had for the future.
I know I/you/we hate spoilers, but I gotta let the cat out of the bag - the future definitely isn't what you think it is.
You know how people say the past always catches up with you? If you ask me, the same goes for the future. Your tomorrow becomes today. Your experiences become memories. Your future becomes your present.
Pretty scary, right? It freaks me out, and I know for a fact it freaks you out too. You know, same person and all.
I did my best, Me From The Past. I tried to keep your hopes alive. I tried to follow through with your plans. I ran after your dreams until my lungs gave out.
And it still wasn't enough.
I know how much you believe in the future, how you see it as a promising frontier of adventure and achievement. And in a way, I guess it is. But not for us. We always thought we could take control of our future. We never thought our future could take control of us.
Is it worth it to keep believing in the future? Well... I sure do wish I had an answer to that. I'd ask Me From The Future what he thinks, but he hasn't been answering my calls lately. You and me, we're kind of on our own here.
I wonder what you would think of me if you met me today. Would you be disappointed that I haven't been living up to your expectations? Would you ask why I haven't become a better person since I was you? Would you be disgusted by how my morals and outlook on life have changed?
Every time I feel myself sliding away from you, I feel guilty. I want to make you happy, I really do. I don't want to lose sight of what was important to me. I want to be someone that you would be proud of, even though it's hard to remember who you are sometimes.
But on my worst days, I hate the very thought of you. I wish you were dead and gone. I wish you never existed. I wish you didn't control my life the way you still do.
And yet... in spite of all this, you're the only person in my life I can always count on. You never change, and you never will. You'll never stop believing in me, in us, in our future. And that's something that I still hold on to.
I know that I've failed you many many times, and I will continue to fail many times more. I know that I've changed since I was you and that in your eyes, I might be someone you despise. I know that my life could be better if I didn't think about you so much.
But you have something that I don't have at the moment. Hope. Hope for the future. Hope for a better day. Hope for resolution.
And so, in spite of my fear and hesitation, I allow myself three small hopes. I hope I remember that you believe in me. I hope you'll be proud of me someday. And I hope I will fulfill your plans and make all your dreams come true.
Thank you for everything. Maybe someday, we'll have the chance to talk again. Until then... take care of yourself.
Yours truly,
Me/you/us
