"So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house with the ghost of you"
- Ghost of You, 5 Seconds of Summer
Ghosts.
Depictions of ghosts can range from silly (person draped in bedsheet) to downright terrifying (undetectable ethereal being that possesses a host of nigh-inescapable supernatural powers).
What does the depiction of ghosts have to do with the discussion at hand? Nothing, really. I just thought it would be fun to talk about before diving into today's post. Anyway, let's just jump into it!!
• ghost at the feast
Has there ever been a problem in your life that constantly reminds you of failure? Like no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to fix it?
The expression "ghost at the feast" refers to something or someone that serves as a negative force in the midst of positivity. I know this because my previous tangent was on the expression "ghost in the machine", but it meant something completely different than I thought so I had to restructure this section to fit "ghost at the feast" instead. Moral of the story: do your research, kids.
The “ghost” at the aforementioned feast, as well as the “feast” itself, can refer to a number of things. A personality trait that causes problems in interpersonal relationships. A persistent error that makes a scientific problem unsolvable. Or perhaps the memory of a person that negatively affects someone’s emotional state. And that brings us to our next point...
• ghosts of the past
Do you remember the people in your 5th-grade class? For me, most of my memories of them are a big blur. Yet there are certain moments that stand out. Negative interactions, sharing secrets, and even some bonafide heart-to-hearts. It’s funny to me how I still remember such seemingly trivial things after all this time. Some of these memories still affect me on a daily basis. Some don’t.
There’s also a whole other remnant from the past that still plays an important role in my life. These are the people that I think about so often that they acutely shape my worldview and actions - friends, colleagues, and everyone in between. And thus a somewhat supernatural phenomenon is produced - they virtually become ghosts to me. Because I rarely communicate with them anymore, the only place I really get to interact with them is in my mind. And that’s kind of scary to me. Am I remembering them for how they truly were, or am I just remembering a pale imitation? An intangible figure? A ghost?
Most of the time, the best way to truly forget someone is to go cold turkey. Call it off completely. Ghost them.
• ghosting
“Ghosting” has come to be defined as willfully ending communication with another person. This can be used in unfavorable relationships between friends, lovers, family, etc. Typically, it’s a pretty messy and painful process. Ideally, it’s incredibly cathartic and helps one to feel substantially better. Personally, it always makes me feel like crap.
I’ve been on both the receiving and delivering ends of ghosting multiple times. And I gotta say, it makes me feel bad either way. Sometimes it’s a really difficult choice. Sometimes you want to try as hard as you can to fix things with the other person. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that they don’t want to be a part of your life anymore.
...
And thus the problems persist. The ghost hangs around at the feast. The past keeps lingering. Cutting things off isn’t nearly as conclusive as you want it to be.
So how does one deal with these problems? I wish I had an answer because this problem haunts me to this day. But for now, all I can do is hope that someday I’ll be able to bust those ghosts.
