"There can be miracles when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill"
- When You Believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
hope.
hope is a funny word. it's a funny thing. it's a funny feeling.
hope is believing (or wanting to believe) that something will happen, usually against the odds and against all that is good and pragmatic.
hope takes a lot of forms too.
there's blind hope, which usually arises from panic and lack of contemplation. it's not hope so much as an impulsive desire brought about by unfortunate circumstances.
there's false hope. lying to yourself, convincing yourself that something is bound to happen when there's no chance it will. but the worst part of false hope is knowing that your hope will go unfulfilled, but lying to yourself and keeping the hope alive anyway.
and then there's true hope.
true hope is very similar to the other two kinds, so it can be hard to distinguish at first. but when you feel it, you know it's real. it's hope for something that you truly, genuinely want to happen. it's one last shot in the dark, one last resort that just might make your wish come true. it's exhilarating, terrifying, but strangely peaceful as well.
it's true hope.
i've spent way too long living my life under the shadow of false hope. convincing myself to follow dreams that i had never truly thought about. looking for signs in places where there were none. telling myself that my false hopes made me happy, even though they always let me down in the end.
recently i went through a period of blind hope as well. reaching out impulsively, seizing moments that may have been better off left alone. trying to find happiness out of the fear that i never would.
and now i feel true hope.
i haven't felt hopeful in this way for a long time - i don't even know if i have felt this way before. but it's so so different from hoping blindly or falsely. it almost feels tangible, a part of me like my head or my heart. it's like a signpost in front of my eyes, guiding me to the right path.
the Bible says that in the end, faith and hope will have served their purpose and that only love will remain. it's a very comforting sentiment, because faith and hope are essential virtues but also can be difficult, emotionally and spiritually.
i believe that God has a plan for me. i believe that all my experiences, the good and the bad, serve a greater purpose that i can't even envision. i believe that my hope will lead to great love.
"though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."
i choose to hope.
