"Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'
I know I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'..."
- breathin, Ariana Grande
three categories again. indecision at its finest.
when i upgraded to a new choir in sophomore year of high school, it was very hard to get used to at first. reading and singing more complex music was a new experience for me. singing alongside people who had been vocally trained was pretty daunting. holding my own amongst more experienced/talented choristers was a challenge. i felt like a failure because i was so gosh-dang awful at keeping up with everything. but eventually, i found my way and even became a section leader! (kind of.) and it was so much fun! until i graduated, anyway. high school never ends, but high school choir definitely does.
anyway, to my relief, chorale is bringing that sense of joy back to me.
i always thought that i'd be too stressed in chorale to sit back and enjoy it. it's so much more challenging than high school choir. plus i worried that not being in chorale during freshman year had incontrovertibly delayed my journey as a singer. but singing has been a lot better for me this year. i still get pretty anxious at times. but i'm actively working to become more confident, bit by bit. and some days, chorale is a very safe/relaxing experience and i can just savor the moment and take it all in.
everyone in chorale (old and new) is super chill. i still kind of worry that they're silently judging me, but the fact that i have year's worth of experience/cred under my belt is slightly comforting. and i've noticed something that i still find pretty surprising.
i've carved my own path into chorale.
people still have their own cliques. whatever. far be it from me to force myself into friendships. but i've found that i don't need to be incorporated into convos to feel like i'm part of the group. even though i'm late to the game, there are people i can talk to, people who know/respect me, and people with whom i've formed organic friendships. and that's honestly way more than i could ask for. i guess i've finally found my place in the group.
i'm kinda sad that next year will be my last year with chorale. it's such a great community and i'm so so glad to be a part of it.
i guess i just have to enjoy it while it lasts. and i'm definitely looking forward to it!
