Saturday, August 31, 2019

๐Ÿ‘ป ghosting

"So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house with the ghost of you"
- Ghost of You, 5 Seconds of Summer

Ghosts.

Depictions of ghosts can range from silly (person draped in bedsheet) to downright terrifying (undetectable ethereal being that possesses a host of nigh-inescapable supernatural powers).

What does the depiction of ghosts have to do with the discussion at hand? Nothing, really. I just thought it would be fun to talk about before diving into today's post. Anyway, let's just jump into it!!

โ€ข ghost at the feast
Has there ever been a problem in your life that constantly reminds you of failure? Like no matter how hard you try, you canโ€™t seem to fix it?

The expression "ghost at the feast" refers to something or someone that serves as a negative force in the midst of positivity. I know this because my previous tangent was on the expression "ghost in the machine", but it meant something completely different than I thought so I had to restructure this section to fit "ghost at the feast" instead. Moral of the story: do your research, kids.

The โ€œghostโ€ at the aforementioned feast, as well as the โ€œfeastโ€ itself, can refer to a number of things. A personality trait that causes problems in interpersonal relationships. A persistent error that makes a scientific problem unsolvable. Or perhaps the memory of a person that negatively affects someoneโ€™s emotional state. And that brings us to our next point...

โ€ข ghosts of the past
Do you remember the people in your 5th-grade class? For me, most of my memories of them are a big blur. Yet there are certain moments that stand out. Negative interactions, sharing secrets, and even some bonafide heart-to-hearts. Itโ€™s funny to me how I still remember such seemingly trivial things after all this time. Some of these memories still affect me on a daily basis. Some donโ€™t.

Thereโ€™s also a whole other remnant from the past that still plays an important role in my life. These are the people that I think about so often that they acutely shape my worldview and actions - friends, colleagues, and everyone in between. And thus a somewhat supernatural phenomenon is produced - they virtually become ghosts to me. Because I rarely communicate with them anymore, the only place I really get to interact with them is in my mind. And thatโ€™s kind of scary to me. Am I remembering them for how they truly were, or am I just remembering a pale imitation? An intangible figure? A ghost?

Most of the time, the best way to truly forget someone is to go cold turkey. Call it off completely. Ghost them.

โ€ข ghosting
โ€œGhostingโ€ has come to be defined as willfully ending communication with another person. This can be used in unfavorable relationships between friends, lovers, family, etc. Typically, itโ€™s a pretty messy and painful process. Ideally, itโ€™s incredibly cathartic and helps one to feel substantially better. Personally, it always makes me feel like crap.

Iโ€™ve been on both the receiving and delivering ends of ghosting multiple times. And I gotta say, it makes me feel bad either way. Sometimes itโ€™s a really difficult choice. Sometimes you want to try as hard as you can to fix things with the other person. Sometimes itโ€™s hard to accept that they donโ€™t want to be a part of your life anymore.

...

And thus the problems persist. The ghost hangs around at the feast. The past keeps lingering. Cutting things off isnโ€™t nearly as conclusive as you want it to be.

So how does one deal with these problems? I wish I had an answer because this problem haunts me to this day. But for now, all I can do is hope that someday Iโ€™ll be able to bust those ghosts.