life itself.
that's what the name of my blog is. short and simple. like a tootsie roll. or a pocky stick that's been snapped in half. or another sugary treat that fulfills the above prerequisites.
it's also the title of a movie that was released recently. this film is not the namesake of my blog, actually. as i've mentioned before, it's taken from the title of a glass animals song from their album "how to be a human being".
this song is hecka groovy. it's also the first glass animals track i ever heard. more importantly, it contains a number of relatable lyrical chunks.
according to the band, the song os about a nerdy man-child(?) who's obsessed with outer space and other nerdy stuff. as an astrology major with the emotional maturity of a child, i guess he's a pretty relatable character.
so what shakespearean verbosity does this song offer? none, really. it's not exactly poetry set to music.
but i've felt a connection to the lyrics since the first time i heard them. i can't relate to every line, but i can relate to the general message of the song. here goes.
"i can't get a job, so i live with my mum / i take her money but not quite enough"
•last year i was planning to get a summer job and do something productive with my time away from school. that ended up not happening for various reasons.
•i don't have my own house. i'd like to get one someday.
•i'm trying to be more responsible about earning my own money. at the moment, it's probably best for me to use my parents' money sparingly and learn self-sufficiency the best i can. i know that i can't keep mooching off them forever. but if i went cold turkey right now, i'd be in minusland money-wise...
"thought that i was northern camden's own flash gordon / sonic ray gun, gonna be a superstar"
•when i was younger i wanted to be a superhero. i dreamed that one day i'd wake up with psychic powers and use them to become super awesome and popular. but now, i know that's not realistic thinking. those dreams are in the gutter now. i think.
•i'm a comics nerd. see beda day 20.
•another childhood fantasy was to invent something out-of-this-world. a teleporter, a time machine, a hyper-fast spaceship... something super sophisticated and wildly impossible. sadly enough, modern physics more or less disproves (or at the very least discourages) any of these fantasies from being realized. which is a shame, really. i would even have settled for a sonic ray gun.
"cut back down to my knees / gotta get back, gotta get free / cut back down to my knees / lean back now, lean back and breathe"
•there have been many times in my life where i've felt on top of things, only to be sent crashing to the ground unceremoniously. this can happen socially, personally, academically... life is rough. at one particularly low point i was lying on the floor in distress and basking in the glory of being a miserable wreck. that was fun.
•and yet, life goes on. roll with the punches and whatnot. with a little bit of elbow grease, i get back on the horse and keep trying to get free from the things that are weighing me down. do i always succeed? no. is the struggle hard? yes. is it all worth it in the end? maybe...
•i think it's important to rest on your laurels every once in a while. look back on the person you were, and see how far you've come. make a list of all your achievements, regardless if you have thirty-one or just one. lean back, and enjoy life when you can!
•breathe!! things always seem worse in the moment. but i've found that many of them, in retrospect, turn out to be not so bad after all. of course, some things just suck in the moment and afterward too. c'est la vie. life isn't always sunshine and roses. there's a lot of darkness, hate, and pain too. but work through those things, and maybe the sun will come out for just a bit. it's hard for me to remember that and believe it'll happen, but i try. and that's all any of us can do.
there ya go. an in-depth look at why my blog is named the way it is. this ended up being like a medium-sized tootsie roll, but that's okay. i hope this explanation will inspire myself (and possible readers) to embrace reality for what it is - the good, the bad, and everything in between. the overwhelmingly complex yet strangely beautiful experience that can be expressed most simply in two words:
life itself.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
🏁 concluding (beda day 31)
31. this challenge has been...
tiring. i didn't realize how time-intensive writing a post every day would be. i was a silly billy and assumed that having provided prompts would make posting easier. but as it turned out, some prompts that i initially thought were simple ended up producing deep, thoughtful posts. some prompts that i figured would be easy to write about rendered me unable to put my thoughts into words. some prompts that i found kinda intimidating ultimately pushed me to talk about things that cause me a lot of anxiety/discomfort. but i have to say, even though i end this challenge very tired, it's a happy kind of tired.
eye-opening. it sounds cliche as all heck, but i learned a lot about myself through this challenge. there were days when i had to think a lot about my personality, core drives, beliefs, standards, ideals... basically, the things that make me who i am! i ended up reflecting upon events from my past, assessing where i am in the present, and making plans for the future. i also ended up pondering things that i don't really think about on a regular basis, thanks to some prompts. some days i struggled with unfamiliar topics, and other days i found myself surprisingly comfortable with them. i'm really glad to have encountered all the new ideas and topics in this challenge.
beneficial. the constant influx of posts gave me the perfect opportunity to practice writing. before this, i only had the odd blog post here and there to prevent my writing from getting rusty. but for this challenge, there were a few days where i was very deliberate about how i structured my ideas/arguments. granted, there were many days where i joked around through quoting gloria gaynor, bashing riverdale, and hiding all star memes (among other things). but even then, i was experimenting with different styles and structures in hopes of giving my posts a fresh feel. there's also the issues of lacking proper punctuation/capitalization/grammar. but i like writing my posts in this style. plus i still know how to write formally (or so i tell myself). i like to think that as long as i'm committed to what i'm writing, then i'm getting some good practice in!
cathartic. there were a lot of prompts that gave me the opportunity to discuss things i've been aching to talk about. i got to share my thoughts on applemania, terrible advice, stan culture, and a bunch of other things. there are so many post ideas rolling around in my head that i doubt i could do justice to them all. but this challenge allowed me to speak my mind on a few of them, and i'm very grateful for that. i didn't know it would be such a weirdly relieving experience! in some strange way, putting my thoughts into posts is hecka therapeutic. i've realized that even if no one reads my posts, it feels really good to get them off my chest. as long as i get to say what i want to say, it's all good in the hood.
fulfilling. as i've said before, sticking with a writing project until the end is a highly satisfying experience. when i look back at all my posts, i feel so accomplished. i'm kinda sad that the challenge is over but also appreciative of the great times i had during it. thanks for sticking around - write on!
tiring. i didn't realize how time-intensive writing a post every day would be. i was a silly billy and assumed that having provided prompts would make posting easier. but as it turned out, some prompts that i initially thought were simple ended up producing deep, thoughtful posts. some prompts that i figured would be easy to write about rendered me unable to put my thoughts into words. some prompts that i found kinda intimidating ultimately pushed me to talk about things that cause me a lot of anxiety/discomfort. but i have to say, even though i end this challenge very tired, it's a happy kind of tired.
eye-opening. it sounds cliche as all heck, but i learned a lot about myself through this challenge. there were days when i had to think a lot about my personality, core drives, beliefs, standards, ideals... basically, the things that make me who i am! i ended up reflecting upon events from my past, assessing where i am in the present, and making plans for the future. i also ended up pondering things that i don't really think about on a regular basis, thanks to some prompts. some days i struggled with unfamiliar topics, and other days i found myself surprisingly comfortable with them. i'm really glad to have encountered all the new ideas and topics in this challenge.
beneficial. the constant influx of posts gave me the perfect opportunity to practice writing. before this, i only had the odd blog post here and there to prevent my writing from getting rusty. but for this challenge, there were a few days where i was very deliberate about how i structured my ideas/arguments. granted, there were many days where i joked around through quoting gloria gaynor, bashing riverdale, and hiding all star memes (among other things). but even then, i was experimenting with different styles and structures in hopes of giving my posts a fresh feel. there's also the issues of lacking proper punctuation/capitalization/grammar. but i like writing my posts in this style. plus i still know how to write formally (or so i tell myself). i like to think that as long as i'm committed to what i'm writing, then i'm getting some good practice in!
cathartic. there were a lot of prompts that gave me the opportunity to discuss things i've been aching to talk about. i got to share my thoughts on applemania, terrible advice, stan culture, and a bunch of other things. there are so many post ideas rolling around in my head that i doubt i could do justice to them all. but this challenge allowed me to speak my mind on a few of them, and i'm very grateful for that. i didn't know it would be such a weirdly relieving experience! in some strange way, putting my thoughts into posts is hecka therapeutic. i've realized that even if no one reads my posts, it feels really good to get them off my chest. as long as i get to say what i want to say, it's all good in the hood.
fulfilling. as i've said before, sticking with a writing project until the end is a highly satisfying experience. when i look back at all my posts, i feel so accomplished. i'm kinda sad that the challenge is over but also appreciative of the great times i had during it. thanks for sticking around - write on!
❌✏️❌ enough!! prompts!! about!! writing!! (beda day 30)
30. if i couldn't write...
if i couldn't write, i would speak.
oral tradition was a big thing in many societies before writing systems and such were introduced. some communities still keep the tradition alive today! passing down historical tales, legends, life stories... all are carried on to future generations. each storyteller passes down stories to the next storyteller and they pass them down again and so on. speaking the words i wanted to preserve would help them to survive the passing of time and the changes in the world.
if i couldn't write, i would sing.
musical tradition is about as old as oral tradition and just as important! the combination of words and music can tell tales of inspiration, woe, hope, suffering... a multitude of stories. many people around the world learn songs by hearing them and repeating them. this process of listening and repetition carries histories through the passing of time in the form of songs. every song tells a story. singing my stories would help them be preserved through the endurance of music.
if i couldn't write... i would be pretty lost.
i could speak, but i'm not very good at being assertive or telling stories. i could sing, but i'm not very good at singing strongly or writing songs. but when i write, i feel comfortable with my voice and how i express myself. it's something that can be tough for me sometimes, but i always find something in it that keeps me going. it's something that will help me tell my stories and spread messages i want people to hear. it's something that i treasure deeply, and i never want to take it for granted.
if i couldn't write, i would speak.
oral tradition was a big thing in many societies before writing systems and such were introduced. some communities still keep the tradition alive today! passing down historical tales, legends, life stories... all are carried on to future generations. each storyteller passes down stories to the next storyteller and they pass them down again and so on. speaking the words i wanted to preserve would help them to survive the passing of time and the changes in the world.
if i couldn't write, i would sing.
musical tradition is about as old as oral tradition and just as important! the combination of words and music can tell tales of inspiration, woe, hope, suffering... a multitude of stories. many people around the world learn songs by hearing them and repeating them. this process of listening and repetition carries histories through the passing of time in the form of songs. every song tells a story. singing my stories would help them be preserved through the endurance of music.
if i couldn't write... i would be pretty lost.
i could speak, but i'm not very good at being assertive or telling stories. i could sing, but i'm not very good at singing strongly or writing songs. but when i write, i feel comfortable with my voice and how i express myself. it's something that can be tough for me sometimes, but i always find something in it that keeps me going. it's something that will help me tell my stories and spread messages i want people to hear. it's something that i treasure deeply, and i never want to take it for granted.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
📱 technologizing (beda day 29)
26. best writing/reading app
this post is gonna get a bit rant-y. what's new, amirite?
i think the app that helps me the most with writing is grammarly. i first started using grammarly on my computer when my spellcheck wasn't working for some reason. then i found out it could be used for quick dictionary definitions (a feature i use to this day). that got me pretty hooked. for a while i even used it to check for grammatical issues in my essays. you know, back when i cared about the quality of my essays. oops.
nowadays, i use it mostly for the double-click-definition feature instead of spelling/grammar proofreading. when you use words like "heckuva" and play by very loose capitalization/punctuation, grammarly will always be highlighting a massive slew of errors. in spite of this (and the fact that GRAMMARly sometimes doesn't catch its own grammatical errors), it's a solid app that has helped me out quite a bit.
okay, now time for the rant...
i like e-books about as much as i like riverdale - that is to say, not at all. i'd much prefer a real book any day of the week. the feeling of turning the pages. the hunt for a slip of paper or anything that can be used as a workable bookmark. the long nights spent flipping through a captivating novel. these are things that no e-book will give you.
"but e-books are more convenient!" fam, unless you're carrying around war and peace or the complete works of william shakespeare, most books aren't that heavy. toss a few in your bag and you're good to go. buy paperbacks. train your arm muscles!!
"you can store multiple books on one app!" ever heard of a bookshelf? they look great, they're pretty space-efficient, and they hold books (wow!!). heck, it doesn't even need to be a shelf. even a fricking pile can look aesthetic if you stack it nicely.
"e-books are super easy to buy!" if you can buy e-books online, you can order real books on amazon. easy as pie!! or if you don't want to pay for shipping/handling... ever heard of libraries?
as usual, i am a huge hypocrite for ranting about this. i will buy electronic textbooks if they're cheaper. or when my textbooks weigh 5 billion pounds. i do have the kindle app (even though i only use it for pdf-viewing). shame on me...
i also know that lack of space, time, money, etc. make e-books more convenient for some people. i respect that. people should be free to make the best choices for themselves. even so, why people choose to watch riverdale is beyond me...
so! if you want to get into reading and e-books work better for you, go for it! download the kindle app and get to it. reading is reading, even when it's technologized into an app. but if you find a really good book, try reading a physical copy of it sometime. you might be surprised...
this post is gonna get a bit rant-y. what's new, amirite?
i think the app that helps me the most with writing is grammarly. i first started using grammarly on my computer when my spellcheck wasn't working for some reason. then i found out it could be used for quick dictionary definitions (a feature i use to this day). that got me pretty hooked. for a while i even used it to check for grammatical issues in my essays. you know, back when i cared about the quality of my essays. oops.
nowadays, i use it mostly for the double-click-definition feature instead of spelling/grammar proofreading. when you use words like "heckuva" and play by very loose capitalization/punctuation, grammarly will always be highlighting a massive slew of errors. in spite of this (and the fact that GRAMMARly sometimes doesn't catch its own grammatical errors), it's a solid app that has helped me out quite a bit.
okay, now time for the rant...
i like e-books about as much as i like riverdale - that is to say, not at all. i'd much prefer a real book any day of the week. the feeling of turning the pages. the hunt for a slip of paper or anything that can be used as a workable bookmark. the long nights spent flipping through a captivating novel. these are things that no e-book will give you.
"but e-books are more convenient!" fam, unless you're carrying around war and peace or the complete works of william shakespeare, most books aren't that heavy. toss a few in your bag and you're good to go. buy paperbacks. train your arm muscles!!
"you can store multiple books on one app!" ever heard of a bookshelf? they look great, they're pretty space-efficient, and they hold books (wow!!). heck, it doesn't even need to be a shelf. even a fricking pile can look aesthetic if you stack it nicely.
"e-books are super easy to buy!" if you can buy e-books online, you can order real books on amazon. easy as pie!! or if you don't want to pay for shipping/handling... ever heard of libraries?
as usual, i am a huge hypocrite for ranting about this. i will buy electronic textbooks if they're cheaper. or when my textbooks weigh 5 billion pounds. i do have the kindle app (even though i only use it for pdf-viewing). shame on me...
i also know that lack of space, time, money, etc. make e-books more convenient for some people. i respect that. people should be free to make the best choices for themselves. even so, why people choose to watch riverdale is beyond me...
so! if you want to get into reading and e-books work better for you, go for it! download the kindle app and get to it. reading is reading, even when it's technologized into an app. but if you find a really good book, try reading a physical copy of it sometime. you might be surprised...
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
💬 poeticizing (beda day 28)
26. brand new notebook
for some reason, this prompt has inspired me to write a poem. i'm no shakespeare, but here goes...
-
brand new notebook
by: me!
i just got a brand new notebook
the pages are fresh and white
so now, i think i'll take a close look
at some of the things i could write
i might write some more of my novel
an epic, inspiring tale
of evil so mighty and awful
our hero seems destined to fail
or illustrate depth of emotion
how it makes the mightiest toss
with passion as deep as the ocean
or with feelings of love and | || loss || |_
or capture the calm of the beach
and contemplating by the sea
'til enjoyment's ending i reach
and somewhere else, i'd rather be
or narrate my walks through the trees
with branches and leaves overhead
though walks will sometimes my mind ease
most days, i'll just stay home instead
for now, i think i'll close my notebook
and save it for some other day
on my shelf, right next to the coat hook
i'm no good at rhyming, okay??
-
i think the biggest struggle for me was finding a rhyme for "notebook". "coat hook" rhymes fantastically but doesn't fit the rest of the poem, while "close look" isn't an exact rhyme... i'm proud of rhyming "novel" with "awful", though. i didn't know i could be that creative.
that wasn't that great. it was actually pretty terrible. i'm sorry. i'm not a poet and i know it...
for some reason, this prompt has inspired me to write a poem. i'm no shakespeare, but here goes...
-
brand new notebook
by: me!
i just got a brand new notebook
the pages are fresh and white
so now, i think i'll take a close look
at some of the things i could write
i might write some more of my novel
an epic, inspiring tale
of evil so mighty and awful
our hero seems destined to fail
or illustrate depth of emotion
how it makes the mightiest toss
with passion as deep as the ocean
or with feelings of love and | || loss || |_
or capture the calm of the beach
and contemplating by the sea
'til enjoyment's ending i reach
and somewhere else, i'd rather be
or narrate my walks through the trees
with branches and leaves overhead
though walks will sometimes my mind ease
most days, i'll just stay home instead
for now, i think i'll close my notebook
and save it for some other day
on my shelf, right next to the coat hook
i'm no good at rhyming, okay??
-
i think the biggest struggle for me was finding a rhyme for "notebook". "coat hook" rhymes fantastically but doesn't fit the rest of the poem, while "close look" isn't an exact rhyme... i'm proud of rhyming "novel" with "awful", though. i didn't know i could be that creative.
that wasn't that great. it was actually pretty terrible. i'm sorry. i'm not a poet and i know it...
Monday, August 27, 2018
🌩 weathering (beda day 27)
26. weather inspires/hinders?
i think weather definitely affects my mood. i'm not sure if it's the same for other people, but my levels of productivity and happiness are heavily influenced by what the weather is like.
i like sunny days. they're good for getting motivated and chasing dreams. plus a good dose of sun gives a nice warm/fuzzy feeling. today's not a sunny day. even though i'm in hawaii. crazy, huh.
i like rainy days. they're good for introspection and being emotional. earlier when i was writing this post there was some nice tropical rain. then the text got deleted somehow so now i have to rewrite everything. i'm mad.
i fricking hate cloudy days. they just make me feel listless and demotivated. nothing new there. right now the weather's cloudy and i'm irritated for reasons that aren't necessary to discuss. having to rewrite this post isn't helping either.
then there are the weird-weather days that aren't super common where i live. mega-windy days usually just annoy me because they make it hard to fall asleep. snow is nice but makes me afraid of slipping and dying. hail just hurts. thunderstorms are hecka rad, but quite rare.
all in all, i think sun and rain are my two favorite weather patterns (and representations of my two moods, no less). i was pretty happy while it was raining earlier, but now i'm ticked off. and the rain stopped. how coincidental. now if you don't mind, i'm gonna take some time to stare at the clouds...
-
update: have calmed down now. the segment above probs came off as quite brusque. sorry about that. i have a lot of unresolved moop that i need to work out...
anyway, i want to make one last note about the weather before i close off this post. you can't control the weather, but you can control how productive you are during a subjectively good weather day! if thunder is your thing, use the next storm to take charge of your next writing project! if clouds are your thing, use cloudy days to make your thoughts unclouded! if sun is your thing, brighten up your sense of well-being! mother nature is about as finicky as they come, so take your blessings as ya go!
i think weather definitely affects my mood. i'm not sure if it's the same for other people, but my levels of productivity and happiness are heavily influenced by what the weather is like.
i like sunny days. they're good for getting motivated and chasing dreams. plus a good dose of sun gives a nice warm/fuzzy feeling. today's not a sunny day. even though i'm in hawaii. crazy, huh.
i like rainy days. they're good for introspection and being emotional. earlier when i was writing this post there was some nice tropical rain. then the text got deleted somehow so now i have to rewrite everything. i'm mad.
i fricking hate cloudy days. they just make me feel listless and demotivated. nothing new there. right now the weather's cloudy and i'm irritated for reasons that aren't necessary to discuss. having to rewrite this post isn't helping either.
then there are the weird-weather days that aren't super common where i live. mega-windy days usually just annoy me because they make it hard to fall asleep. snow is nice but makes me afraid of slipping and dying. hail just hurts. thunderstorms are hecka rad, but quite rare.
all in all, i think sun and rain are my two favorite weather patterns (and representations of my two moods, no less). i was pretty happy while it was raining earlier, but now i'm ticked off. and the rain stopped. how coincidental. now if you don't mind, i'm gonna take some time to stare at the clouds...
-
update: have calmed down now. the segment above probs came off as quite brusque. sorry about that. i have a lot of unresolved moop that i need to work out...
anyway, i want to make one last note about the weather before i close off this post. you can't control the weather, but you can control how productive you are during a subjectively good weather day! if thunder is your thing, use the next storm to take charge of your next writing project! if clouds are your thing, use cloudy days to make your thoughts unclouded! if sun is your thing, brighten up your sense of well-being! mother nature is about as finicky as they come, so take your blessings as ya go!
Sunday, August 26, 2018
⏱ outlining (beda day 26)
26. logline of current project
Jeffrey is an average lost-cause teenager - dorky, clumsy, and an all-around loser. He also happens to be holding one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. With the help of a spunky crew of warriors, can Jeffrey stop a villainous organization determined to destroy the timestream itself? Or will his efforts end in a failure even bigger than his last algebra exam?
probably not the greatest logline ever. but you get the idea. the protagonist isn't actually named jeffrey, i'm just trying to keep my secrets safe from ip theft. that's why it's terribly vague. the emoji in the post title is a small clue though. if you read day 1's post, you can see a snippet of the intro too...
that's gonna be it for this post. i'm currently on a plane with 27 minutes of internet acress left, and i got other stuff to do. ciao for now!
Jeffrey is an average lost-cause teenager - dorky, clumsy, and an all-around loser. He also happens to be holding one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. With the help of a spunky crew of warriors, can Jeffrey stop a villainous organization determined to destroy the timestream itself? Or will his efforts end in a failure even bigger than his last algebra exam?
probably not the greatest logline ever. but you get the idea. the protagonist isn't actually named jeffrey, i'm just trying to keep my secrets safe from ip theft. that's why it's terribly vague. the emoji in the post title is a small clue though. if you read day 1's post, you can see a snippet of the intro too...
that's gonna be it for this post. i'm currently on a plane with 27 minutes of internet acress left, and i got other stuff to do. ciao for now!
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