"There's no business like show business, like no business I know..."
- There's No Business Like Show Business, Irving Berlin
I've played a number of roles over the years. a dog, in first grade. a penguin, in second grade. a soothsayer, in 5th grade. a news station director, in 7th(?) grade. a priest and the ghost of Banquo, in some high school projects.
none of these roles was particularly hard for me to pull off. these characters were all either insignificant to the overarching story or had no character development. except Banquo, but playing a ghost honestly ain't that hard.
anyway, let's cut to today. the character I'm playing in this production I'm in is emotionally complex, to say the least. he goes between caring and aggressive right quick, which can be difficult to pull off sometimes.
I think what gives me the most trouble with acting, though, is the expression. I'm not a very expressive person. as a child I talked back to my parents a lot and vented my frustrations quite openly. this led to me getting video game/TV/computer/etc. privileges getting taken away. which as a kid was probbo one of the worst things that could happen. ha ha!
anyway, I learned quite early on that it was best for me to hide my emotions as best as possible. no speaking up for myself, no matter how badly I wanted to. no making eye contact during arguments, lest it be taken as a challenge to authority. no stomping, no fist-slamming, no toy-throwing.
and in this play, wow! I get to yell and stomp to my heart's content. I get to look my fellow actors and actresses in the eye as I confront and berate them. I get to release all the pent-up frustration and anxiety of life itself and channel it into my acting.
good, right?
I used to think so, but now I'm not so sure. last week we ran the climax of the play and I yelled more forcefully than I have in a frickton of fortnights. everyone loved it. people cried. people were massively shook. I was pleased with my performance.
after rehearsal, I went back to my dorm and cried in the shower for a while.
I still don't know why I got so weepy. was it the emotional strain of performing such an important scene? was it the fear associated with being too expressive? was it because I was scared of my own anger and anxiety, and that all the emotion I poured out was actually real?
that last option scares me the most. obviously I don't hate my fellow actors/actresses. they're some of the most talented and genuine people I know! I have no reason to be mad at them.
but all the "staged" ire that I'm portraying through my character... I'm afraid it might be real. and to be quite honest, I find that kinda terrifying.
maybe this is good for me. maybe this is the catharsis I need to process my emotions more comprehensively. maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
nevertheless, I have to continue giving my all to this production. as they say, the show must go on.
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Friday, April 6, 2018
🧠 brooding
"I'm jealous, I'm overzealous
When I'm down I get real down
When I'm high I don't come down"
- Issues, Julia Michaels
A♭ major is a weird key.
it's right up there with F# minor in terms of angst. there's a certain amount of raw emotion and underlying distress that comes with songs in this key.
A♭ is not my favorite key. that would be G♭ major.
I've been in my head a lot for the past few weeks. playing logic chess against myself. weighing options and probabilities. making up a lot of weird shiz in my head, dreaming dreams that seem doomed to fail.
A♭ has been my light in the darkness. a source of comfort amidst mental anguish and the weight of ~life itself~ (roll credits)
the reason G♭ became my favorite key is because it is also emotionally charged and it helped me get through some tough times.
if G♭ is catharsis, A♭ is distress. quite the contrast, isn't it? but you know what they say - distressing times call for distressing songs. don't quote me on that.
as Red says in The Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane". remaining hopeful during a hopeless endeavor never ends well.
A♭ C E. that's the chord for me.
When I'm down I get real down
When I'm high I don't come down"
- Issues, Julia Michaels
A♭ major is a weird key.
it's right up there with F# minor in terms of angst. there's a certain amount of raw emotion and underlying distress that comes with songs in this key.
A♭ is not my favorite key. that would be G♭ major.
I've been in my head a lot for the past few weeks. playing logic chess against myself. weighing options and probabilities. making up a lot of weird shiz in my head, dreaming dreams that seem doomed to fail.
A♭ has been my light in the darkness. a source of comfort amidst mental anguish and the weight of ~life itself~ (roll credits)
the reason G♭ became my favorite key is because it is also emotionally charged and it helped me get through some tough times.
if G♭ is catharsis, A♭ is distress. quite the contrast, isn't it? but you know what they say - distressing times call for distressing songs. don't quote me on that.
as Red says in The Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane". remaining hopeful during a hopeless endeavor never ends well.
A♭ C E. that's the chord for me.
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
📜 catchphrasing
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you
Cry, and you cry alone
No one knows that better than I"
- Laugh and the World Laughs with You, Jack Scott
the sayings I've internalized can be divided into two categories: ones I generally follow, and ones that I should follow but don't. here are a few of each that I say to myself pretty often.
ones I generally follow:
1. When aliens attack, you fight... or you DIE.
this one is kinda extra, but there is an explanation behind it. in movies like Independence Day or Pacific Rim, what's the one thing that can unite humanity? that's right, it's aliens or kaiju. deep down, we're all the same. regardless of ideologies, backgrounds, personalities, etc., we're all humans. there are a lot of problems in the world that could be solved if people put petty differences aside. as Iron Man said in Avengers & X-Men: AXIS #2, "Life is beautiful, positive affirmations and groovy dreams". come to think of it, that's another saying I try to follow.
2. I have said nothing that is not true.
this is usually what I say to my sister after I roast her with some genuine truths. putting this saying in this category is kinda ironic since I'm usually not 100% honest with people. I tend to put their happiness over mine, and that requires some clever mistruths. but I say this a lot to myself when I'm being honest with myself. and to my sister after roasting her, of course.
3. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
I've had a lot of different dreams in the past. most of them have been crushed by the weight of the world, done in by life itself. in spite of all that, there's still some part of me that keeps hoping for a better day. but this frame of mind is usually more realistic. as the alternative form of this saying goes, "don't expect much and you won't be disappointed".
ones I don't:
1. I regret nothing.
I used to have a stress list. it was basically things I was stressed out about, arranged by date and level of anxiety. every time something came off the list, something else would rise to take its place. graduation season of high school was where my stress list hit its peak, so after that my stress list kinda faded into obscurity. of course, I still stress out quite often, but now it's more like a way of life rather than a solid list. anyway, nowadays I have a list of regrets, spanning the period of my time from my distant past to present-day mishaps. much like my stress list, once I stop regretting something I start regretting something else. life is funny like that.
2. Always believe in yourself and your dreams!
this is a mantra I say to myself pretty jokingly. as mentioned in #3 above, it's hard for me to keep believing in myself and my dreams. there are days where I'm scared my dreams will never come to fruition and that I won't leave any sort of legacy behind. so I try to dream small and keep expectations low.
3. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
public judgment scares me. maybe it's because I'm such an introvert, but for some reason, I care a lot about how people see me. I don't want to care, yet I do. of course, I know that the people who really care about me don't give a flark about how the public sees me. but I still always feel like I'm being silently judged, and it prevents me from being true to myself at times. probs has to do with self-confidence issues too, which I discussed a bit in the previous post. ah well.
proverbial statements are all well and good, but the role they play all depends on how you act on them.
Cry, and you cry alone
No one knows that better than I"
- Laugh and the World Laughs with You, Jack Scott
the sayings I've internalized can be divided into two categories: ones I generally follow, and ones that I should follow but don't. here are a few of each that I say to myself pretty often.
ones I generally follow:
1. When aliens attack, you fight... or you DIE.
this one is kinda extra, but there is an explanation behind it. in movies like Independence Day or Pacific Rim, what's the one thing that can unite humanity? that's right, it's aliens or kaiju. deep down, we're all the same. regardless of ideologies, backgrounds, personalities, etc., we're all humans. there are a lot of problems in the world that could be solved if people put petty differences aside. as Iron Man said in Avengers & X-Men: AXIS #2, "Life is beautiful, positive affirmations and groovy dreams". come to think of it, that's another saying I try to follow.
2. I have said nothing that is not true.
this is usually what I say to my sister after I roast her with some genuine truths. putting this saying in this category is kinda ironic since I'm usually not 100% honest with people. I tend to put their happiness over mine, and that requires some clever mistruths. but I say this a lot to myself when I'm being honest with myself. and to my sister after roasting her, of course.
3. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
I've had a lot of different dreams in the past. most of them have been crushed by the weight of the world, done in by life itself. in spite of all that, there's still some part of me that keeps hoping for a better day. but this frame of mind is usually more realistic. as the alternative form of this saying goes, "don't expect much and you won't be disappointed".
ones I don't:
1. I regret nothing.
I used to have a stress list. it was basically things I was stressed out about, arranged by date and level of anxiety. every time something came off the list, something else would rise to take its place. graduation season of high school was where my stress list hit its peak, so after that my stress list kinda faded into obscurity. of course, I still stress out quite often, but now it's more like a way of life rather than a solid list. anyway, nowadays I have a list of regrets, spanning the period of my time from my distant past to present-day mishaps. much like my stress list, once I stop regretting something I start regretting something else. life is funny like that.
2. Always believe in yourself and your dreams!
this is a mantra I say to myself pretty jokingly. as mentioned in #3 above, it's hard for me to keep believing in myself and my dreams. there are days where I'm scared my dreams will never come to fruition and that I won't leave any sort of legacy behind. so I try to dream small and keep expectations low.
3. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
public judgment scares me. maybe it's because I'm such an introvert, but for some reason, I care a lot about how people see me. I don't want to care, yet I do. of course, I know that the people who really care about me don't give a flark about how the public sees me. but I still always feel like I'm being silently judged, and it prevents me from being true to myself at times. probs has to do with self-confidence issues too, which I discussed a bit in the previous post. ah well.
proverbial statements are all well and good, but the role they play all depends on how you act on them.
Monday, February 26, 2018
😅♪😟 breathing/singing/socializing pt. 2
[EDIT: updated version of this post is here!]
"And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"
- Harder to Breathe, Maroon 5
I couldn't decide which category to put this post under, so I'm just gonna use three.
when I joined band in sophomore year of high school, it was very hard to get used to at first. reading and playing music at the same time was a new experience for me. playing saxophone alongside people who actually had been playing longer for a year was pretty daunting. holding my own amongst the other members of the band was a challenge. I was considering dropping band since I was so gosh-dang awful at keeping up with everything. but eventually, I found my way and became confident enough to play the baritone saxophone! and I was pretty okay at it! for a while, anyway. like I've said, I have breathing issues when it comes to playing sax.
anyway, as much as it pains me to face the truth, chorale is the new band.
whether it be breathing issues, lack of self-confidence, or other problems, chorale has always stressed me out. in high school choir, everything was cool and I was confident in myself and my singing abilities. I don't know if my involuntary choir hiatus last year made me forget all that stuff, but singing is a lot different for me this year. for more exposed or soloistic parts of pieces in particular, singing makes me massively anxious. it's the same feeling as when I was freaking out about squeaking on the sax during Ammerland, but for singing instead. choir has always felt like a safe/relaxing place for me, but thanks to my own insecurities, it's become another item on my stress list.
everyone in chorale is super chill though. I have an irrational fear that they're all silently judging me, but that supposition is quite unfounded. but something I've noticed that isn't really related to my personal problems is that the atmosphere isn't what I initially thought it was.
I feel welcome in chorale, but not welcomed.
as I noted in singing, people have their own cliques and such already. they're nice. they're friendly. but they rarely take the time to chat with me or incorporate me into their convos. guess that's what happens when you're late to the game. I thought I'd found a place for myself, but now I'm second-guessing it.
I might leave chorale next year. my personal issues concerning singing and lack of social connections within the group haven't exactly instilled a sense of belonging within me.
I guess I'm not cut out for ensemble singing anymore. it's kinda sad, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.
"And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"
- Harder to Breathe, Maroon 5
I couldn't decide which category to put this post under, so I'm just gonna use three.
when I joined band in sophomore year of high school, it was very hard to get used to at first. reading and playing music at the same time was a new experience for me. playing saxophone alongside people who actually had been playing longer for a year was pretty daunting. holding my own amongst the other members of the band was a challenge. I was considering dropping band since I was so gosh-dang awful at keeping up with everything. but eventually, I found my way and became confident enough to play the baritone saxophone! and I was pretty okay at it! for a while, anyway. like I've said, I have breathing issues when it comes to playing sax.
anyway, as much as it pains me to face the truth, chorale is the new band.
whether it be breathing issues, lack of self-confidence, or other problems, chorale has always stressed me out. in high school choir, everything was cool and I was confident in myself and my singing abilities. I don't know if my involuntary choir hiatus last year made me forget all that stuff, but singing is a lot different for me this year. for more exposed or soloistic parts of pieces in particular, singing makes me massively anxious. it's the same feeling as when I was freaking out about squeaking on the sax during Ammerland, but for singing instead. choir has always felt like a safe/relaxing place for me, but thanks to my own insecurities, it's become another item on my stress list.
everyone in chorale is super chill though. I have an irrational fear that they're all silently judging me, but that supposition is quite unfounded. but something I've noticed that isn't really related to my personal problems is that the atmosphere isn't what I initially thought it was.
I feel welcome in chorale, but not welcomed.
as I noted in singing, people have their own cliques and such already. they're nice. they're friendly. but they rarely take the time to chat with me or incorporate me into their convos. guess that's what happens when you're late to the game. I thought I'd found a place for myself, but now I'm second-guessing it.
I might leave chorale next year. my personal issues concerning singing and lack of social connections within the group haven't exactly instilled a sense of belonging within me.
I guess I'm not cut out for ensemble singing anymore. it's kinda sad, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
🙅♂️ reviewing
"This may be the night that my dreams might let me know
All the stars are closer, all the stars are closer, all the stars are closer"
- All the Stars, Kendrick Lamar + SZA
I watched Black Panther today and it was excellent. I have a lot of thoughts but I'm not sure where to put them so I'll just put them all here! (spoilers ahead)
1. Music - my gosh, I was impressed by the soundtrack of this movie! I loved how seamlessly the traditional and modern orchestrations fit together. I also appreciated the contrast between the theme of T'Challa's music and the theme of Killmonger's music. subtle things to appreciate for music nuts like me. :)
2. Villain - one problem that pretty consistent throughout Marvel movies is that the main antagonists are developed quite thinly. even though his character wasn't fleshed out as much as I would have liked, Killmonger's motivations and master schemes were actually quite understandable. his personality and ideologies make him a great foil to T'Challa. one of the things I thought was really sad was how he became the very monster he had fought so hard against. he was one of the better villains of the MCU, it was kind of a shame to see him go.
3. Lore - another prominent feature of the MCU is that magic is usually dropped in favor of science. Thor isn't a Norse god, he's an alien from another dimension. the Scarlet Witch isn't actually a witch, she just has telekinetic powers. heck, it wasn't until Dr. Strange rolled around that magic (like magic magic) started playing a bigger part in Marvel movies. but in Black Panther, they're totally chill with having a panther goddess, herbs that give people super-powers, and the ability to talk to dead people by going into temporary stasis. plus, Wakanda is the perfect example of how science and magic can go hand in hand and create a super-awesome society. now if only the other Marvel movies could follow suit...
10/10 would recommend. definitely up there with Thor: Ragnarok, Civil War, and The Avengers on my list. hats off to everyone involved in the making of this masterpiece. Wakanda forever!
All the stars are closer, all the stars are closer, all the stars are closer"
- All the Stars, Kendrick Lamar + SZA
I watched Black Panther today and it was excellent. I have a lot of thoughts but I'm not sure where to put them so I'll just put them all here! (spoilers ahead)
1. Music - my gosh, I was impressed by the soundtrack of this movie! I loved how seamlessly the traditional and modern orchestrations fit together. I also appreciated the contrast between the theme of T'Challa's music and the theme of Killmonger's music. subtle things to appreciate for music nuts like me. :)
2. Villain - one problem that pretty consistent throughout Marvel movies is that the main antagonists are developed quite thinly. even though his character wasn't fleshed out as much as I would have liked, Killmonger's motivations and master schemes were actually quite understandable. his personality and ideologies make him a great foil to T'Challa. one of the things I thought was really sad was how he became the very monster he had fought so hard against. he was one of the better villains of the MCU, it was kind of a shame to see him go.
3. Lore - another prominent feature of the MCU is that magic is usually dropped in favor of science. Thor isn't a Norse god, he's an alien from another dimension. the Scarlet Witch isn't actually a witch, she just has telekinetic powers. heck, it wasn't until Dr. Strange rolled around that magic (like magic magic) started playing a bigger part in Marvel movies. but in Black Panther, they're totally chill with having a panther goddess, herbs that give people super-powers, and the ability to talk to dead people by going into temporary stasis. plus, Wakanda is the perfect example of how science and magic can go hand in hand and create a super-awesome society. now if only the other Marvel movies could follow suit...
10/10 would recommend. definitely up there with Thor: Ragnarok, Civil War, and The Avengers on my list. hats off to everyone involved in the making of this masterpiece. Wakanda forever!
Monday, January 22, 2018
🧠 leading
"Be leaders, believers in yourself and mean it
I mean you only get one shot, take it or leave it"
- My Shot (Rise Up Remix), The Roots + friends
hello, January.
well, a couple of things have happened since the last post. I got a job! yay me.
...
hmm, I guess it was only the one thing. anyway,
this'll be the topic for this post (in case you hadn't figured it out from the title of the post or the bold+italics+underline combo).
earlier this evening, I was doing a survey that popped up in my email. you know, for the 1 in 1 billion chance of winning the cash prize associated with participation. I have to be honest, I only do surveys if there's some possibility of earning money. no dolla? no holla.
anyway, now that we've acknowledged my shamefully immense greed, let's get back to the matter at hand.
the survey was about leadership, natch. most of the questions were pretty basic, but there were two parts of it that really stood out to me.
the first part was about self-confidence.
the last time I remember being really self-confident was, like, junior year of high school. after that I kinda lost all faith in myself. developments in my personal life had left me feeling pretty worn out.
college isn't exactly a confidence booster, either. tough classes?? being on a huge campus?? being surrounded by social fricks?? no thanks.
I used to be sure of myself and the direction that I wanted my life to go in. now, I'm not so sure.
I've already discussed socializing and introversion at length, but I think self-confidence ties into that quite nicely. I want to have more confidence. I want to believe in myself. but I always get let down or let myself down.
in the past, there have been things that I was 110% positive about that turned out to be 110% false. being wrong most of the time is a real confidence killer.
the second part was about my definition of leadership.
I had to think about it for a few seconds, and ended up putting something about taking responsibility and doing one's best. anything to fill in the blank space (and potentially get that moolah!).
hmm. I don't think I want to use the word "moolah" again.
the highest leadership position I remember holding is student council president in 8th grade. no one ran against me. I wrote a 5-paragraph speech. I didn't get impeached. life was breezy.
but that was middle school. for one, it's been hecka fortnights since then. hecka fortnights.
plus, compared to the student council equivalents of high school or college, I had it easy! I led assemblies. I put up and took down the flag. I held meetings every once in a while.
as noted in previous posts, going to high school made me nervous about putting myself out there all over again, so I never became the ASB president or anything like that. I did become the vice-president of one organization and an auxiliary officer for another, though.
but here? in college? my leadership skills have decayed to nil. aside from my job, I don't have any real positions of authority or anything like that.
but...
what makes a leader? influence? charisma? knowledge? personability? all of the above?
here's my new thought-
leadership is shown not through prestige or power, but rather, through one's actions and character.
dang. that might be the most profound shiz I've posted on this blog. this is just me opinionating a little bit, though. is it true? maybe not.
guess I'll have to find out what being a leader means for myself, then. one day.
I mean you only get one shot, take it or leave it"
- My Shot (Rise Up Remix), The Roots + friends
hello, January.
well, a couple of things have happened since the last post. I got a job! yay me.
...
hmm, I guess it was only the one thing. anyway,
leadership
this'll be the topic for this post (in case you hadn't figured it out from the title of the post or the bold+italics+underline combo).
earlier this evening, I was doing a survey that popped up in my email. you know, for the 1 in 1 billion chance of winning the cash prize associated with participation. I have to be honest, I only do surveys if there's some possibility of earning money. no dolla? no holla.
anyway, now that we've acknowledged my shamefully immense greed, let's get back to the matter at hand.
the survey was about leadership, natch. most of the questions were pretty basic, but there were two parts of it that really stood out to me.
the first part was about self-confidence.
the last time I remember being really self-confident was, like, junior year of high school. after that I kinda lost all faith in myself. developments in my personal life had left me feeling pretty worn out.
college isn't exactly a confidence booster, either. tough classes?? being on a huge campus?? being surrounded by social fricks?? no thanks.
I used to be sure of myself and the direction that I wanted my life to go in. now, I'm not so sure.
I've already discussed socializing and introversion at length, but I think self-confidence ties into that quite nicely. I want to have more confidence. I want to believe in myself. but I always get let down or let myself down.
in the past, there have been things that I was 110% positive about that turned out to be 110% false. being wrong most of the time is a real confidence killer.
the second part was about my definition of leadership.
I had to think about it for a few seconds, and ended up putting something about taking responsibility and doing one's best. anything to fill in the blank space (and potentially get that moolah!).
hmm. I don't think I want to use the word "moolah" again.
the highest leadership position I remember holding is student council president in 8th grade. no one ran against me. I wrote a 5-paragraph speech. I didn't get impeached. life was breezy.
but that was middle school. for one, it's been hecka fortnights since then. hecka fortnights.
plus, compared to the student council equivalents of high school or college, I had it easy! I led assemblies. I put up and took down the flag. I held meetings every once in a while.
as noted in previous posts, going to high school made me nervous about putting myself out there all over again, so I never became the ASB president or anything like that. I did become the vice-president of one organization and an auxiliary officer for another, though.
but here? in college? my leadership skills have decayed to nil. aside from my job, I don't have any real positions of authority or anything like that.
but...
what makes a leader? influence? charisma? knowledge? personability? all of the above?
here's my new thought-
leadership is shown not through prestige or power, but rather, through one's actions and character.
dang. that might be the most profound shiz I've posted on this blog. this is just me opinionating a little bit, though. is it true? maybe not.
guess I'll have to find out what being a leader means for myself, then. one day.
Monday, December 18, 2017
♫ singing
"If you want to sing out
Sing out
And if you want to be free
Be free"
- If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out, Cat Stevens
*snaps fingers and claps, dodie-style*
it's way too late for me to be blogging rn. I was planning to go to sleep an hour-ish ago, but I'm still up! (obviously)
this post is gonna be a bit disjointed and random, but to heck with it. life is disjointed and random!
back in September, I got accepted to the chorale at my school! exciting? yes! I didn't get in last year, so I was super jazzed about being a part of a choir again.
the first few weeks (months?) weren't quite as great as I expected, though. most of the sophomores had been a part of the group during the previous year, which meant they had already formed their friend groups and cliques and whatnot. so I felt kinda left out when people would chat before and after rehearsal since I didn't really know anyone that well.
don't get me wrong, everyone in the chorale is super nice! the environment is so positive and welcoming, which I was hecka grateful for during the times I've fricked up whilst singing.
nonetheless, I still felt like an outsider. which sucked, since I was hoping to make some new amigos during my time in the group. the first few sections of socializing were written during the choir retreat. while everyone else was having fun conversing. yep...
don't be too sad though! things have gotten better!
back in November, I decided to go to our chorale's karaoke night, since I figured there wouldn't be too many people there and momma didn't raise her son to turn down an opportunity to karaoke!! it was a blast. any night where you get to do High School Musical, Queen, and Glee is A-OK in my book. the others were pretty impressed by my mad karaoke skills (I think).
this month, I performed at four Christmas concerts the weekend before finals week. not super ideal conditions, but the performances were also a lot of fun! two wow-worthy things occurred over this period of time. I made a couple of friends during our rehearsals for the concerts! they were people I'd met earlier in the year, but the rehearsals/performances gave us the opportunity to talk more and become chummier. we even got dinner together between performances at one point! and went to go study in a Starbucks as well! like, wow! these are my kind of people :-)
also! halfway through the first(?) performance, I somehow unlocked my hidden potential and found that (after like 5 years of choir) I can finally do vibrato! kinda! not super strong yet, but it's there! this is incredibly exciting for me, since it was something I never got around to learning in high school. even though I probably should've? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
next up: overtone singing! I tried it today out of boredom, just to see if I could. and I can! kinda! not super strong yet, but it's there!
moral of the story: ♪♫♪♫
hmm, that's not a moral. interpret as you may, I guess.
Sing out
And if you want to be free
Be free"
- If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out, Cat Stevens
*snaps fingers and claps, dodie-style*
it's way too late for me to be blogging rn. I was planning to go to sleep an hour-ish ago, but I'm still up! (obviously)
this post is gonna be a bit disjointed and random, but to heck with it. life is disjointed and random!
back in September, I got accepted to the chorale at my school! exciting? yes! I didn't get in last year, so I was super jazzed about being a part of a choir again.
the first few weeks (months?) weren't quite as great as I expected, though. most of the sophomores had been a part of the group during the previous year, which meant they had already formed their friend groups and cliques and whatnot. so I felt kinda left out when people would chat before and after rehearsal since I didn't really know anyone that well.
don't get me wrong, everyone in the chorale is super nice! the environment is so positive and welcoming, which I was hecka grateful for during the times I've fricked up whilst singing.
nonetheless, I still felt like an outsider. which sucked, since I was hoping to make some new amigos during my time in the group. the first few sections of socializing were written during the choir retreat. while everyone else was having fun conversing. yep...
don't be too sad though! things have gotten better!
back in November, I decided to go to our chorale's karaoke night, since I figured there wouldn't be too many people there and momma didn't raise her son to turn down an opportunity to karaoke!! it was a blast. any night where you get to do High School Musical, Queen, and Glee is A-OK in my book. the others were pretty impressed by my mad karaoke skills (I think).
this month, I performed at four Christmas concerts the weekend before finals week. not super ideal conditions, but the performances were also a lot of fun! two wow-worthy things occurred over this period of time. I made a couple of friends during our rehearsals for the concerts! they were people I'd met earlier in the year, but the rehearsals/performances gave us the opportunity to talk more and become chummier. we even got dinner together between performances at one point! and went to go study in a Starbucks as well! like, wow! these are my kind of people :-)
also! halfway through the first(?) performance, I somehow unlocked my hidden potential and found that (after like 5 years of choir) I can finally do vibrato! kinda! not super strong yet, but it's there! this is incredibly exciting for me, since it was something I never got around to learning in high school. even though I probably should've? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
next up: overtone singing! I tried it today out of boredom, just to see if I could. and I can! kinda! not super strong yet, but it's there!
moral of the story: ♪♫♪♫
hmm, that's not a moral. interpret as you may, I guess.
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